"Electric Jack" McMaster
Former mayor of Philadelphia most widely known for huffing antifreeze. Died in the late nineties when blowing into a Sega Genesis cartridge. No autopsy was performed, as no one cared. One of the founding members of Zionist Flying Spaghetti Monster-ism. He was an asthmatic, conjoined twin. At a meager stature of 4'5 he did very well for himself. As acting mayor of Philadelphia, he banished the gays from town, had the top seven floors of city hall removed, and had Terrell Owens mother killed before she gave birth because of a dream he had. A great man, his legacy lives in all Philadelphians. He is also somewhat responsible for everyone in south Philly having an IQ lower than 85.