AAA is, without question, the greatest video game player on Earth. Known only by the three initials he uses on arcade high score lists, he has left his ubiquitous mark in the RAM chips of countless motherboards. He has played every single arcade game in the universe, including the superintelligent ones developed by the Pentagon that suck you into a Tron-like cyberspace where you fight to the death against the CPU itself. He has killed approximately 12 video game CPUs in this fashion.
Among other accolades awarded to him, he has a cylindrical battery cell size named after him as well as an automobile organization.
Appearance of AAA
It is not known exactly what AAA looks like, as he is understandably reclusive. Conflicting eyewitness reports of a skinny twenty-something Korean with stubble, a pasty-faced former Atari beta-tester, and even a six-foot-tall bearded Eastern European have all at some point been attributed to AAA. It is clear that unless he ever chooses to publicly reveal himself, we can only continue to speculate. Personally, I think he is a tall, Asian, stunningly handsome, single, twenty-something, well built hunk. Sigh. Unfortunately the odds are that AAA is a small Japanese boy with acne and a ridiculous amount of talent at DDR.
Myths about AAA
It is a common myth that AAA is actually a very bad player, citing several sub-par high scores signed 'AAA'. What the people making these claims don't understand, however, is that these scores are actually so high that AAA overflowed the score counter. Thus, it is possible that the top score in your local arcade machine is actually several billion points more than that displayed.
Another popular theory is that AAA is actually such a bad player, that matter and time formed a cylindrical paradox, reversing human perception, so that the average joe believes that AAA is actually a god-like video gamer.
Yet another group of people think that this is simply part of AAA's sly tactics and an instance of him trying to lull you into a false sense of security. One final group suggest that for a challenge AAA simply tasks himself to score predetermined random numbers.
Speculations about AAA
Since AAA's first high score in 1958, experts have pondered what, if anything, AAA does between playing video games. For the longest time, it was thought that AAA was somehow the source of all video game hints, but nobody could compile any solid evidence to prove this. When Prima invented Strategy Guides in the mid 1990s and sold them before the games for them even came out, experts began to assume that she, in fact, was AAA.
Further studies via hidden cameras disproved this notion when Prima, though incredibly skilled, failed to produce the high scores attributed to AAA. Though Prima does not say anything on the subject, experts generally accept the idea that Prima somehow obtains hints from AAA, which she then tests and writes down into her strategy guides. How Prima obtains this information is yet to be determined, but interviews with the former Queen of the Martians suggest that she does have some sort of relationship with the mysterious AAA.
I was playing Halo 2 on Containment, right? We were playing Capture the flag, we just started. me and six other guys were watching the flag when two seconds later, the flag vanished. it said: Spartan 114 took the flag! No one was that fast, there were no possible Multiplayer cheats for Halo 2 so far. My guess? It was AAA.
My mom is a kind of person who never plays videogames, but once she gave Contra III, or "Super Probotector" as it is known in Europe, a go just to be friendly with us kids. She tapped the buttons so randomly and so ferociously that suddenly she skipped to the second level. I swear on my father's bones it's true, even though no level skipping cheat has ever been found for this game. My guess is AAA whispered the secret to her in her dreams.
Once upon a time I was the king of Street Fighter. I'd travel the land and wherever I found an arcade, I'd play and I'd beat everyone who stepped up with impunity. My skill was so great I used to humiliate my opponents by beating them in every possible match-up the game had to offer. I'd pay for their games and their food and their drink to make them stay and take more punishment. I turned the game into an art, where my every move was the most graceful, I stopped the opponent at his every turn, and I never repeated a combo twice in the same day.
But then I met this guy. . . it's so weird, it wasn't like I paid attention to what he looked like but when I try to remember I can only see a blank space. He didn't make eye contact, he didn't say anything, he just picked Balrog. In World Warrior. Without putting in a quarter. I didn't really have time to take in that and to tell the truth I was so far into the game I didn't notice it was weird. But then he beat me so damn hard he got on top of the high score list in just one round. The second round was over in like, four seconds and I sort of fell over. I got to my feet right away but the guy had vanished, just vanished without a trace. But not before putting in his name on the high score, you guessed it, AAA.
There was this one time I was playing Road Burners at the arcade, and this guy jumps onto the bike next to me, drops a quarter in, and waits until I picked the track. As soon as it says Go, he just zooms straight past me. I barely even caught a glimpse of him. Then a few seconds later, he races towards me. Backwards. I just manage to get out of the way, and complete the race at what was my best time ever. I went to put my initials in, but it wouldn't let me. I'd lost! Written in the place that should've been mine was "AAA - "0.00.93".
I took my old N64 and Diddy Kong Racing game I had out of the closet and turned it on, and it said that the Game Pak is corrupted and may be irreparably damaged. I continued and I went to the time trial mode, and each track had a lap record of 00:00:00, followed by the 3 letter ID, AAA.... I turned it off and powered it back up, and it was gone, and all of my data was back, but I will never forget this, the time when AAA conquered my DKR game.
AAA has achieved the world's highest scores on hundreds of video games. Just for the sake of it, he's also achieved the world's lowest and middlest scores as well. He even achieves scores in regular increments, just to show that he can get any score he wants, really.
- AAA managed to clear 20 rows in tetris with only one piece.
- Beat not one, but two, Koreans at Starcraft.
- And those Koreans were in the same team.
- In Darius, the game says "WARNING! A HUGE BATTLESHIP AAA IS APPROACHING FAST.".
- In Warning Forever, he managed to get to a boss so ferocious that it broke out of his computer screen ( dubbed the Tera Smashed Tera Poded Infinity Omega with Tera Lasers ) and had to subdue it in hand-to hand combat.
- He beat the "Nuclear Mode" in the Atari game Missile Command.
- Achieved AAA in every song in DDR Max 7, so they named the rank after him.
- He is able to play Superman 64 without getting pissed off.
- In City of Heroes/Villains, his character, AAA, can solo both Statesman and Lord Recluse.....at the same time.
- In Dirge of Cerberus, AAA managed to not get frustrated with all of the cutscenes.
- The top of the screen surrendered to him in Tetris.
- He once played Pong against a solid brick wall rather than an AI paddle, and still won.
- He beat Doom V1.1 on Nightmare on the day of release.
- He beat a level 100 Mewtwo using a level 2 Magikarp.
- He has played through Fallout without being shot in the back by Ian.
- In New Super Mario Bros, he has beaten the game in three minutes as Mini Mario.
- He can race the Running Man in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and win.
- He played ET on the Atari 2600, and lived to tell the tale.
- He has completed Tetris.
- He killed Krauser in Resident Evil 4, using only flash grenades.
- He caught all 493 of them Pokémon...in Blue Version's beta
- He unlocked the secret character Colbei in all the Advance Wars games.
- In Diablo 2, his necromancer was able to summon Mephisto, Diablo, Baal, The Cow King, Deckard Cain, Sonic the Hedgehog, Kirby, Megaman, Pac-Man, Batman, Chuck Norris and Paris Hilton as minions.
- On World of Warcraft, he has a lv81 paladin...with a 7 headed epic mount.
- He unlocked Solid Snake, Big Boss, Sonic the Hedgehog, Tails the Fox, Knuckles the Echidna, Toad, Master Hand, Crazy Hand, Pac-Man, Wario, Giga Bowser and the Fighting wire frames on Super Smash Bros. Melee by unlocking all stages, characters, and trophies within 2 seconds of turning on his 'Cube. Before the intro even started.
- He also fought Cruel Giant-Metal-Invisible-Invincible-Bunny-Hood-Giga-Bowser-Wearing-Master-Hand-And-Crazy-Hand-On-His-Claws-With-An-Infinite-Supply-Of-Home-Run-Bats-That-Can-Only-Be-Used-By-Him. And, of course, killed him in one hit.
- Actually finished the fight in Halo 2.
- In Madden NFL, he beat the 1985 Chicago Bears with the Amsterdam Admirals using only the Flea Flicker play.
- He married all of the girls in Harvest Moon and became a farm baron, managing a black market drug ring and buying out the election as mayor of Mineral Town.
- He played Ghostbusters for the NES without falling asleep.
- He beat Nethack as an illiterate atheist vegan Wizard, without landing a single blow. When a trap on level 10 polymorphed him into a floating eye, he completed the rest of the game that way, blindfolded. Pestilence caught a cold from him. Famine bought him lunch. (AAA didn't eat it.) His final score wrapped MAXINT twice and still pushed ten other players off the screen.
- He beat Need For Speed Underground 2 using a stock Toyota Corolla, and got 10 stars without customizing his car.
- He owns a copy of Duke Nukem Forever.
- AAA beat all the Final Fantasy games in five seconds.
- He won a race in F-Zero GX going 10000 MPH.
- He tamed Missingno.
- He beat Zelda: Twilight Princess without Link.
- For an encore, he cleared the Cave of Ordeals without any items or equipment or transdimensional goblins.
- Played through the Harry Potter 6 game without Dumbledore dying.
- He pwns n00bs in Counter Strike by just looking at them
- When he was a kid, he beat every edutainment game with a broken keyboard...as a fetus.
- He beat Space Invaders using a single quarter seconds after birth.
- Not only did he unlock Luigi in Super Mario 64, but he also unlocked Wario, Waluigi, DK, Yoshi, Birdo, Bowser, Toad, Toadette, Peach, Daisy, the Koopalings, Wart, and Sonic the Hedgehog.
- He beat Pacman without eating any dots...before inserting quarters.
- He beat the original Metroid in under 1 minute, unlocking the ending with Samus completely nude.
- Not happy with that, he beat it in under 10 seconds, giving him the ending where Samus is a skeleton.
- In Super Mario Bros. 2 he managed to kill every single monster in the game... using the same veggie.
- He beat Super Mario Bros. 3 without even touching his controller. He just walked into the room, and the game beat itself out of pure and utter fear. On top of that, the system wasn't turned on, the controllers weren't plugged in, and the cartridge was sitting on a nearby shelf.
- In Phoenix Wright, nobody ever dares to object to him.
- He can make Runescape players switch to Prunescape just by logging in.
- He can afford PS3.
- With Arcade credits
- Using only his GAME reward card.
- With Arcade credits
- AAA beat Metal Gear Solid 2 as naked snake through the entire game...on expert mode with no radar.
- In Counter Strike Source, he killed an entire Terrorist team, with only a Glock on burst.
- He can perform fatalities at the START of Mortal Kombat fights.
- He once completed an 18 hole round of Microsoft Golf 2.0 in only FIFTEEN shots! And he three-putted the last green, just 'cause he hates the numbers fourteen and thirteen.
- In Duck Hunt, the hound never dares to laugh at him.
- He has also never missed a duck, and somehow turned his light gun into a Sniper.
- He beat every boss in every MMBN game in under 0:05 using his extra folder on an upside down GBA, blind folded.
- He went on Call Of Duty 3, beat every level, then transferred to online, where he beat every lobby. In 1 milisecond.
- In NBA 2K7, AAA only shoots from the halfcourt. It goes in, then flies back and into the other hoop. He has never won or lost.
- He played Quest 64, and beat it. Without blinking.
- He played Mario 64, and jumped on the roof of the castle...without pressing A.
- He caught a level 1 pokemon.
- He beat Jak 3 under 1 milisecond while playing as Daxter.
- AAA can beat the arcade version of Gradius III without dying at once. Trying to complete this game is a big enough feat already, even for AAA. But he claimed the game is way too easy.
- He completed GTA San Andreas in 1 hour...fist fighting only.
- In Donkey Kong Country, he could jump on top of Zingers without getting hurt.
- When AAA plays Tetris, all pieces are falling upside down from the bottom to the top
- He unlocked Peach, Yoshi, Bowser, and Link as a playable characters in Super Mario Bros.
- When AAA gets his Pokédex in Pokémon, it's already completed.
- In Halo, Sergeant Johnson is played by AAA on every copy of the game. AT THE SAME TIME. ( Bungie don't pay him, they don't even know this happens. )
- AAA gets the ball in the cup every time.
- he also managed to beat the Elite 4 with a magikarp. at level 1,without beating any gyms first, and before he created a file.
- He has 20 Neopets on his account.
- And all of them are limited edition.
- And he unlocked and beat every Battledome opponent.
- In one second.
- And he has every trophy.
- And to top it all off, he has 99999999999999999999999999999... Neopoints.
- And he has every trophy.
- In one second.
- And he unlocked and beat every Battledome opponent.
- And all of them are limited edition.
- He can perform fatalities in Street Fighter.
- He has beaten every Super Mario game without using the jump button.
- He has 5-starred every expert song in Guitar Hero I and II at the same time, using only one guitar.
- In Skies of Arcadia: Legends, AAA destroyed the Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, and even Silver Gigas using the lifeboat from the start of the game and one of Gilder's pistols. He can also make Cupil into any shape he wants, including the form of a naked woman.
- In Final Fantasy VII, AAA beat Ultimate Weapon, Ruby Weapon, Emerald Weapon, Diamond Weapon, Granite Weapon, Sapphire Weapon, Crystal Weapon, Gold Weapon, Silver Weapon, Platinum Weapon, Sephiroth, Jenova, Rufus, Aries, Cloud, Vincent, Tifa, Barret, Cid, The Airship, Sin, Bahamut, Shiva, The Turks, Reno, Rude, The Silverhair brothers, Seymour, Chaos, Omega, and Genesis as Lvl 1 Yuffie with all status effects, one health, no magic, no materia, while they where all on the same team before the theme song was over
- When AAA plays Pokemon, the other Pokemon just don't faint, they die.
- He beat Star Fox 64 without firing a single shot. He simply sacraficed either Peppy, Slippy or Falco for each boss, yet he still recieved a medal on every level.
- Without doing a single barrel roll.
- When he played Killer Instinct at the arcade, he beat every character with one 8,397 hit "Ultra Omega Ungodly Hyper Killer Ultimate Zomfgwtfsnakesonaplane" combo, and still managed to do a fatality on all of them. He was enjoying a slice of pizza at the time as well.
- He has completed all 9999 levels of bloody palace in DMC3 in 2 minutes, only going up one floor at a time.
- He beat Gears of War on Insane. As a challenge to himself, he pistol whipped Raam to the ground and smoke tagged him. He was also the first one to perform a roadie run glitch, in his NES
- He raised cats on Nintendogs.
- He can catch a Mewtwo with full health, without using a Master Ball.
- He can finish the whole of Super Mario in 0.2 seconds, without using warp zones and playing as Toad.
- On World of Warcraft he killed all of the bosses.
- As a level 1 priest.