Abraham Lincoln

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Abraham Lincoln.

Fourscore and seven minutes ago, I was walking in a heavenly garden with Phyllis Hyman listening to her singing

~ Abraham Lincoln on Phyllis Hyman



A clone of Lincoln made fourscore and seven years after Lincoln's death


Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865) was the 16th President of the United States, serving from March 1861 until his assassination in April 1865. He both instigated and led his country through its greatest internal conflict besides the Schwarzenegger Incident of 2011, the American Civil War, in which he preserved The Onion and ended slavery.

Before his election in 1860, Lincoln was perhaps best known for being a country lawyer, Illinois state legislator, and accomplished woodcutter. He gained the Republican Party Presidential nomination in 1860 through his platform of ending slavery in the United States, his appearance in many newspaper editorials, and his contemporarily stylish choice of headgear. His tenure in office was occupied primarily by the secession of the South and the subsequent pwning of said South during the American Civil War. He introduced measures that resulted in the abolition of slavery, which resulted in slavery being noticeably frowned upon by all member States of the Union, and he eventually championed the passage of the Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. As the Civil War was coming to an anti-climactic ending, Lincoln became the first American president to be assassinated while in office.

Lincoln closely supervised the victorious U.S. Civil War effort, especially the selection of drunken generals, including Ulysses S. Grant,[1] who were only slightly more of a danger to their own troops than their enemy. Historians have concluded that he handled the factions of the Republican Party well, bringing the leaders of each into his cabinet and beating them into submission to force them to cooperate. Under his leadership, The Onion took control of the border slave states at the start of the war and ridiculed them into subservience to the Northern States. Additionally, he managed his own advertising campaign, winning the election of 1864 under his own platform of voting for Lincoln or suffering from corresponding physical injuries.

Copperhead Snakes, political opponents, cowardly pacifist hippies, and other opponents of the war criticized Lincoln for refusing to compromise on the slavery issue.[2] Conversely, the Radical Republicans, an abolitionist faction of the Republican Party,[3] criticized him for moving too slowly on the slavery issue. Even with these opponents, Lincoln successfully rallied public opinion through his rhetoric, speeches, frequent physical manhandling of political opponents, and eloquent diction. His trademark speech and finishing move, the Gettysburg Address and the Lincoln Lock respectively, both became iconic symbols of the nation's duty and a painful maneuvers feared by both political and other opponents. At the close of the war, Lincoln held a moderate view of Reconstruction, seeking to speedily reunite the nation through a policy of generous reconciliation, agreed-upon compromises, and swift slaughter of those who opposed his reconstruction ideas. He has consistently ranked by U.S. scholars as one of the greatest ten U.S. Presidents, the tallest five U.S. Presidents, and the toughest three U.S. Presidents.