Albuquerque

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Albuquerque.
The Founding Fathers of Albuquerque: (L-R) Don Francisco, Steven Seagal, and, after his one-man conquest of the city in the late 19th century, Chuck Norris.

Albuquerque is a thriving metropolis in the far and high deserts of Nuevo Mexicano Alpha-37 Ceti Primus Mexico (Often times simply called "New Mexico" with "New" meaning Nuevo Mexicano Alpha-37 Ceti Primus). It was long rumored to exist prior to its discovery in the winter of blight (1985-86), but these rumors were dismissed as heresy from the Robo-Jews during the Third Spanish Inquisition. Alas, they were true, and now you can't even get rid of the city if you tried as it is protected by magic. This "magic" is also known as a complete lack of knowledge from the outside world as to the existence of the city, aside from round fluffernutters whose notorious PR in NYC has gained ground in the recognition area recently. A confusing locale, Bugs Bunny routinely got lost there, often turning right when he should have turned left.

History[edit]

The City's Past
Albuquerque,New Mexico's largest city, was named to honor a Spanish Duke, the 10th Duke of Alburquerque. Albuquerque is also known as Albercrack and has been featured on several episodes of COPS. Colonial Governor Don Francisco Cuervo y Valdez elected the name but over the centuries, the first "r" has been dropped. What's less widely known is that the first r and only f were dropped prior to Governor Cuervo Y Valdez' adoption of the name, and thus "Ralfburquerque" has been lost to history.

In 1706, Albuquerque was founded by a group of colonists who had been granted permission by King Philip of Spain to establish a new villa (city) on the banks of the Rio Grande (which originally meant big or great river, but now only refers to the large burritos to be had at the Taco Bell on the river's bank). The colonists chose a place along the river where it made a wide curve providing good irrigation for crops, a source of wood from the bosque (cottonwoods, willows and olive trees) and nearby mountains. The site also provided protection and trade with the Indians from the pueblos in the area, until the settlers nicely convinced them to leave the area for less arable land.

A chapel[edit]

The early Spanish settlers were religious people, and the first building erected was a small adobe chapel. The erection was surrounded by small adobe homes, clustered close together for mutual protection against any threats posed by hostile forces in this vast and dangerous country. The church, San Felipe de Neri, still stands on the spot. The erection itself has been enlarged several times and remodeled, but its original thick adobe walls are still intact. The church is the hub of Old Town, the historic and sentimental heart of Albuquerque, with activity revolving around shopping, tourism, and dining, with the occasional orgy in honor of the City's unofficial god, Steven Seagal.
To this day, special holidays and feast days are still commemorated as part of the year-round attractions of this "original" Albuquerque.