Andrew Johnson

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Andrew Johnson.

Andrew Johnson aka The Guy Who Fucked Up Before Bush aka The Guy After Lincoln was the President of the United States from after Lincoln to the end of his term. Andrew Johnson was ( amazingly ) the first President to be impeached, but certainly not the first to be threatened with castration.

Early Life[edit]

Andrew Johnson was born in a small one room cottage somewhere on Mars. The rough Martian terrain and atmosphere left him in pussy physical condition. Due to this fact, he thought he would make a prime President. The country was obviously in need of a pussy President, especially after being filled to the brim with manliness from Abraham Lincoln. Johnson launched himself from the planet Mars via The Flying Car and set off for Earth.

Life on Earth[edit]

As soon as Johnson landed on Earth, he quickly realized that even a fucking planet's atmospheric pressure was too much for him to handle. His sudden change in weight resulted in a thought of assisting America's Reconstruction but this feeling soon quickly passed. He quickly seized the vacant slot left after Lincoln's escape to Namek and proclaimed himself the newest President. American people cheered on his election by beating niggers and burning homes in the South. The newly elected President greatly rejoiced in these festivities, ending his first day with a lengthy match of Minesweeper, followed by masturbation. Strangely, Minesweeper and masturbation eventually took up the rest of his days as President.

On rare ocassions however, Johnson was known to take walks outside. He allegedly loved the smell of failing reconstruction and the thrill of doing absolutly nothing. On one account, he even took a nap with Bob on the side of the road for a week. When he woke up, he was the happiest he had ever been, due to the fact that he had done nothing AND got a week of sleep out of it!


Andrew Johnson was impeached after it was realized he had stolen the cookie from the cookie jar. Johnson swore his innocence but after his guilt was proven, he spent the rest of term playing WWF No Mercy on the Nintendo 64 in shame. His character of choice was The Rock, which turned out to be a terrible choice in the eyes of the public, due to the fact that The Rock was ( is? ) black.


Andrew Johnson is hailed as the king of all slackers. People across the globe agree, no one was ever able to do nothing quite like Andrew Johnson. Literally, nothing. Johnson today can be found in the White House basement, knocking his broomstick at the ceiling every so often to tell those damn kids to quiet down. When interviewed recently by CNN, he claimed that his track of doing nothing had dwindled recently.

"I really haven't been stepping up to the plate." he said grimly, "I blame it mainly on those kids upstairs that won't shut the fuck up.".

See Also[edit]