Andy Warhol also known as Andy Asshol is hailed today as one of the most pretentious men that ever lived,
There are also rumours that he was some kind of anal artist hailing from New York, but to this day these claims reminds unfounded in the scientific community.
Andy "Vamprie Slayer" Warhol was emergered from his growth pod in 1956 by the the world famous Slovak world champion of sledge Bogdanic Wherehole. He was raised in the tiny village of Kurva Hora in the Tatra mountains, Slovakia and in turn he became repulsively obese, often running about eating big barrels of goat cheese, trying to get someone to join his fist-sex celebration. Nobody liked him for this, as you probably can imagine, but it didn't matter. The boy had a talent for painting big cocks, telephone numbers, swastikas and other nonsense grafitti on trees and the toilets of bars. ´The elders of the town thought it was beautiful and said to Andy's dad:
Andy's father took these wise words into consideration.
When he was 16 his family moved so that he could attend the prestigious boat to America, where his father wanted to make money of his talent. The family of the Warhols, had long dreamed of America, the most beautiful place were they could have as much goat and cabbage as they wanted. Where water wasn't full of bugs and where the sun was shining sometimes, America seemed so beautiful! It was the land of Beer and butter, semi-pasteurized milk and sirup! Unfortunatley on the way to America, all of the family and relatives ( including Babushka Warhol ) where thrown in to the water outside Newfoundland because they were condemned as freeloading communist scum by the captain of the ship. This didn't matter, the family swum over the atlantic. 6 years later, Andy swum ashore on the island of Manhattan. He was dragged up into West Village from the Hudson river, by a kind collie called Lassie, that was later renamed Lou Reed for copyright reasons.
Andy Warhol and the dog called Lassie ( but was going to be called Lou Reed ) became friends and Andy Warhol become trapped by the dog in the dogs appartment. He was forced by his collie to work by mediocre standards, mass-producing paintings of uninteristing stuff everyday and got bitten if he didn't paint what the dog wanted. All this took place at a place simply called "The Factory" to add more dullness to Andy's horrible day. All of this was part of the dogs plans to have an operation so that he could become a real human, preferably a gay man. When Lou Reed had paid off the cost of all his human hormons that he had to take, the species-change operation could take place. This made Andy a free man, and Lou Reed and him became gay lovers.
Just before his big break in the art world, it is claimed that in a rare moment of astral projection Andy Warhol forsaw and invented the genre of Doom metal When quizzed on this just before his tragic death he meerly remarked B)))))F)))))G!
Breaking the Barrier
Andy was an immediate sensation in the art world. Even though he was the first slovak ever to cross the atlantic he led the Slovaks to a supreme aristic victory that year before losing to the surrealists in double overtime. Andy vowed he would be back and signed a new contract with Lou Reed, this time he was going on an tour of New York trying to act as pretentious as he was. Alltough his utterly pretentiousness bored people, and the nonsensical paintings of crying puppies hidden in towels became not the succes he hoped for.
He still continued to try to paint the product placements that he had done in the "Lou Reed wants to be a human and not a collie so he forces Andy to paint"-days. But had not the simmilar succes. Instead he turned to film making, his most famous movie "Having a wank" is about a man eating a banana. It was hailed as the biggest blockbuster of 1977.
An Unfortunate Demise
In the summer of 1988, crazy, sweaty, ugly feminist bitch with hanging tits, Dolly Parton, spitted at Andy Warhol because of his unwillingness to take her new fashion collection "COCKS ROCK!" seriously. Andy took the spitting extremly hard and went into a deep crizis. Andy has since then not been himself and is reported to be lost in the deep jungles of the Congo at the moment. By appointment of King Leopold of Belgium Henry Moreton Stanley has followed Andy's trail of Campbell's soup cans found there but all atemps has to trap Andy to this date been unsuccesfull.
- Grandpa's Old Tyme Porn ( 1963 )
- Some Dude eating ( 1963 )
- An endless Yo Mama joke contest ( 1964 )
- Woman's bathroom of the Empire State Building ( 1964 )
- The most pretentious movie ever made ( 1965 )
- Cows on a Plain ( 1965 )
- Flat out porn disguised as art. ( 1337 )
- Snakes on a crate that is about to go on a plane ( 1966 )
- A Day in the Life of Me ( 1967 )
- Holy shit, I Just Traveled Through Time! ( 1342 )
- The Epic 2-Second Long Film ( 1968 )
- Poop ( 1969 )
- Hey, it's 1969! Porn Time! ( 1969 )
- Andy Warhol 1: A ( 1970 )
- Andy Warhol 2: N
- Andy Warhol 3: D
- Andy Warhol 4: Y
- Andy Warhol 5: W
- Andy Warhol 6: A
- Andy Warhol 7: R
- Andy Warhol 8: H
- Andy Warhol 9: O
- Andy Warhol 10: L
- I Recorded the Superbowl, and now I'm Illegaly Distrubiting it! ( 1971 )
- Some Dude with E. Coli ( 1972 )
- Camera Being Pointed at the Sun for 12 Hours Straight ( 1973 )
- My Backyard ( 1973 )
- Now this is the most pretentious movie ever made- Really! ( 1973 )
- Housewife cooking dinner for her husband and 4 kids, while the husband has come home drunk and is beating on one of the 4 children, while another 2 children are looking up fetish porn on daddy's computer, which is kind of strange because the internet hasn't even been invented yet, or has it? I don't really know, but anyway, the other kid is smoking crack in the middle of the street and he's about to get hit by a really big fucking car. Also, some guy burts into spontaneous combustion the background, which is pretty fun to watch. ( 1973 )
- Hi! ( 1974 )
- Bye! ( 1974 )
- Gas Station in Houston, Texas ( 1975 )
- A Group of Kitten Huffers ( 1975 )
- LOL ( 1976 )
- n00bs ( 1976 )
- Emo kid cutting himself ( 1977 )
- Having a wank ( 1977 )
- Hey, that greenscreen was never turned on! ( 1978 )
- Worst. Movie. Ever ( 1979 )