Arab

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Arab.
Arab in traditional garb performing ritualistic dance in celebration of the festival of Eid

Arabs ( pronounced: Eh-Rabz ) were invented by the CIA in the 1960s to contain Communism much in the same manner the CIA invented crack, LSD, AIDS, popular music, Judaism, Central America, and Communism. The results, though initially successful at containing communism, were mixed. The Arabs' resilliency to the Commies had several side effects, including foul odor, bad facial hair, and rabies.

History of the Arabs[edit]

Creation and Inception[edit]

In 1960, Arabs were invented by the CIA. Previously Arabs had been cunts bastards wankers and terrorists and founded terroism known as Palestinians, or Saudis jihadds, or uruk-hai, goblins, bezerkers, dwarfs, verukas, moles, viruses, fanny rashes etc. But in order to stop Communism, these diverse elements were combined into one monolithic group. For in order to fight the monolith of Communism, the CIA needed a few monoliths of its own: Arabs, Major League Baseball, Walt Disney World etc. However, as a side effect, they now have a diet consisting almost entirely of sand, sandy camel meat,sandy camel penis, sandy beans, sandy garlic, and sandy camel yogurt. Also, there have been some minor internal struggles mostly involving disputes over science fiction novels.

Alvin Koran, notoriously ugly sci-fi author.

A very important science fiction novel to the Arabs is Al Qur'an. In 1962, Al Qur'an was written by a guy who coincidentally was named Alvin Koran, or Al for short. It was said that Alvin was hideous. Everyone who saw him went "Al! Ahhhh!". It is said that his ghost still stalks near Arabs today, and this is especially true on Fridays in Saudi Arabian Mosques where the name "Allah" is derived from.

The sci fi novel didn't sell initially, so the Arabs decided to compensate for their merchandising failures by invading Africa.

Alvin Koran Quotes[edit]

  • "Woe to those who attempt to reason with us, for we shall blow up their day care centers."
  • "And God wills you to kill children, or sleep with children, or both. But do not eat pork, for you shall burn in fiery hell."
  • "When life hands you lemons, throw them at the nearest guy with a rifle."
  • "Treat those different from you peacefully, show mercy to the Jew, and enjoy Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers"
  • "Cartoons are always grounds for violence."
  • "ISLAM IS A PEACEFUL RELIGION. Kill all those who disagree."
  • "Beer before liquor, never been sicker"
  • "Chopping off heads is a civilized means of teaching the world that Islam is a peaceful religion. So chop off as many infidel heads as you can. Also, use the crusades as a justification for barbarism. Say that you have a long view of history. But not long enough to remember the first Islamic invasion of Europe. Also try to tell people that the present Islamic invasion of Europe is ok because Islam is a peaceful religion. Unless of course, we are provoked with cartoons."
  • "When having sex with a goat make sure the goat is in full burkha; any show of goat ass is truly distasteful"
  • "When kneeling to pray, be sure to wear a towel on your head to clean the floor"
  • "Then whosoever will, let him believe, and whosoever will, let him disbelieve. Lo! We have prepared for disbelievers Fire. Its tent encloseth them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like to molten lead which burneth the faces. Calamitous the drink and ill the resting-place! Praise the Lard JEEEEEEEZUSSSSSSS. AMEN!"
  • "And if the unbeliever shall challenge you, rip out his intestines and eat them, rape his anus with knives, slice off his parts, break his knees, smash his hands, in the name of God the Merciful,"
  • "One Fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand, zero, zero, party, oops! Out of time, my bacon smellin' fine."
  • "daisy daisy give me your answer do."
  • "penis extensions are haraam."
  • "I thought it was a goat - they both have horns you know."
  • "Woe to the sinner, the backbiter, who sayeth 'I have never seen Rambo Part Three."

Economy of the Arab World[edit]

  • cheese and many other dairy products ( excluding literacy )
  • sushi
  • Underground Vegetable Oil, lots of it.
  • Semtex
  • Humour
  • It is well known that the Arab world is the world's largest exporter of suicide bombers such that the RAF are considering training large amounts of suicide bombers to close the "suicide bomber gap" and redress the balance of payments crisis.
  • Eggplant porn.
  • Misogyny
  • sex crimes ( especially pedophilia )
  • Sand
  • Young Gov ( famous Australian Rapper a.k.a Tupac reincarnated )

Haraam[edit]

Haraam means "forbidden" or "illegal" in arabic.

  • Homosexuality ( unless with young children or animals, or just for the hell of it )
  • Heterosexuality
  • Free thought
  • Eating pork
  • Eating meat on friday
  • Having less than 5 wives
  • Women going outside
  • Reasonable discourse
  • Thinking about a democracy
  • Free speech
  • Having an IQ above 35
  • Not having sex with goats
  • Living in a house that isn't made of mud
  • Wiping your ass with toilet paper ( or at all, for that matter )
  • Cartoons
  • Riding camel above posted speed limit
  • Not owning an AK-47 by the age of 3
  • Hindus

Common Misperceptions[edit]

Opera[edit]

A common belief is that Arabs like to sing Opera, In fact, They think its OK. But they dont particularly like it. Another commmon misperception is that Arab's like Emo's. They Dont. Especially not Super Emo kyle oxberry ( aka wanker ). Finally, they aren't gay. At all. Really. This may seem at odds with their insistence that women must wear a cross between a tent and a ninja suit - you'd expect any religion that wasn't gay would insist that checks were always nekkid, right? OK, but have you seen arab women? Nuff said. Also, there are many in the western world that claim the existence of alleged "moderate" Arabs who aren't angry at America just because it's so kick-ass and freakin' sweet. Though "moderate" non-America-hating Arabs may, in fact, exist - the existence of such Arabs has not been proven conclusively.

The Arabic Language[edit]

Many people believe that Arabs are an ethnic group or race that is tied together by the use of the Arabic language, but this is false. Arabs communicate using radio telepathy using a wireless modem made by U.S. Robotics. The noises they make are little more than window dressing to conceal their radio telepathic prowess. It may or may not be true that Arab insults follow the form: May a [A large number] herds of [Large animal/vegetable] take [verb] upon your ass!

Arabic Weaknesses[edit]

As opposed to humans, Arabs have several basic weaknesses which can be exploited. For example, unlike every other non Canadian people on earth, Arabs can be harmed by cartoons drawn about them centuries after they die! Furthermore, Arabs are only powerful when in an angry mob; when alone they have the strength of an American eight year old. Arabs are also afraid of women. This is known as "being a pussy because she has a pussy" syndrome. If an Arab charges you, just shout that your girlfriend who you refuse to marry is having her period and he will die on the spot.

Jelly willed goverments[edit]

It is sometimes belived that the govement orders riot police NOT to shoot arabs in fact it is the powerful 'Shiek' Al' El' Hillaly AKA Osama Bin Laden that lobbies the riot police with beer so they can't shoot straight.

Arabic Food[edit]

Arabic food is somewhat of a misnomer. Arabs do not eat food, rather they drink Sheikhs. Sheikhs are an excellent source of protein and are becoming more well known world wide. Arabs Love Shia; they drink it with bizzar and kaak. They love saying Wallah. For example, "hey bro" "hey whats up" "nuthin much these days" "yeah I know wallah huh"

Arabic Sports[edit]

Arabs do not typically play sports as sports are considered unmanly. However, from time to time they will play masculine sports like hopscotch and beach volleyball. But they only play hopscotch in pits of burning oil, and they only play beach volleyball in the Arabian desert with the severed heads of infidels [aka peacekeepers/Red Cross workers]. And they never wear knee pads or sunscreen. Killing infidels is also a hobby, but it is the infidels' faults for living next to a bunch of psychopathic Arabs.

  • Palestinians often hold their own sporting events, including Rock Throwing, and Stone the Israeli tank which generally ends in bloodshed.
  • There is also a popular game called Fun with Jew and Sue. In this game they take an infidel by the name of Sue, or George Bush, and take turns ripping his testicles off. They have done this a total of 672 times, hence the twins. Then, with the testicles on the ground, they order for them to be implanted on some unwary Jewish baby, which is how the "Teenie Weenie Jew" came along.
  • Beheading infidels with a bread knife is a sport that gained a measure of popularity in the early 21st century.

Arabs on Star Trek[edit]

For obvious reasons ( Star Trek is in the Future, OK? ), there are no Arabs on Star Trek. However there is a possiblity that Tribbles are Arabs in a very early form.

Jihad[edit]

Arabs do not engage in Jihad, or holy war, all the time. This is a myth. Arabs only engage in Jihad when adequately provoked. Examples of adequate provocation to violence include publication of cartoons, or mentioning that some guy in the fifteenth century accused them of having a tendency towards violence. All Arabs are Radical Islamists. That's a fact. There are no Liberals or Christians, despite rumors that they do exist and are even the elites in those societies. Well, ok. There are Liberals in Arab Society, but they are only the ones who are responsible for all of those world famous Arab military defeats.

They do not wage Jihad on each other, an example are Palestinians being all happy about being put into concentration camps by their Arab friends because they got salty for losing a six day war. Sunnis and Shiite's are exempt.

Arab National Anthem[edit]

Boolie Boolie BoolieBoolie Boolie BoolieBa La La La LaBa La La La La ( repeat ad infinitum )

Famous Arabs[edit]

  • This is a list of famous Arabs.

Algerians[edit]

  • Orlando Calrissian - Baron Administrator
  • Salah Brahimi - Adviser & Senior Cofinancing Officer, CGIAR, The World Bank
  • Princess Rym Ali ( of Jordan ) - a.k.a Rym Brahimi, former CNN International Reporter
  • Abdur Rahman Farès, President of the Provisional Executive Council
  • Dingo Egret - Space force terrorist
  • The boxer Hamad, formerly known as Chris Ubank, from such programs as at home with the Ubanks
  • NOTE: ALL OTHER ALGERIANS HAVE MOVED TO FRANCE AND INSTALLED AN ISLAMIC THEOCRACY.

Bahrainis[edit]

  • Isa bin Salman Al-Khalifa - King
  • Maximillian Veers, Crown Prince and Prime Minister
  • Justin Timberlake- Emperor

Egyptians[edit]

  • COBRA COMMANDER-Cobra Commander
  • Cleopatra - though rumored to actually have been Greek by certain revisionists, Cleopatra was in fact an Arab by virtue of her Arabicness.

Emiratis ( UAE Nationals )[edit]

  • Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan — late president, Billionaire & one of the founding fathers of the nation
  • Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan — President of UAE
  • Sheikh Paula Abdul — President of American Idol

Frenchrabians[edit]

The Beautiful and Talented Charles al-bin-Gaulle.

Iraqis[edit]

Jordanians[edit]

  • King Abdullah I of Jordan - Emir of Trans-Jordan ( 19211946 ), King of Transjordan ( 19461949 ), 1st King of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan ( 19491951 ) Third Transvestite of the Earldom of Leicester ( 1951 - 1953 ), Superfly ( 1953 - 1993 )
  • King Abdullah II of Jordan - King of Jordan 1999present, Son of King Hussein of Jordan
  • Queen Rania of Jordan - Wife of King Abdullah II
  • King Hussein of Jordan
  • Emperor Palpatine
  • Michael Jordan - Played basketball and spokesman for a range of products including shoes, underwear, cars, human organs, and long distance phone service.

Kuwaitis[edit]

  • No known Kuwaitis exist except for This guy and Paula Zahn.

Lebanese[edit]

  • Salma Hayek - actress ( Lebanese father )
  • Edward Norton - caught Lebaneseness from Salma Hayek.
  • Shaggy Rogers - master of the unclean beast Scooby Doo.
  • Ellen DeGeneres [1] - professional David Spade lookalike
  • Ralph Nader - Saboteur

Libyans[edit]

Benito Mussolini, father of Libyan independence.
  • Benito Mussolini

Moroccans[edit]

  • Abd el-Krim
  • Abdelaziz of Morocco
  • Ty Cobb

Omanis[edit]

  • Bill Cosby- hates black people.

Palestinians[edit]

  • Home to 1,500,000 professional stone throwers.

Qataris[edit]

  • Sheikh Ahmad ibn 'Ali Al Thani ( technically a "douche" or "ruler" )
  • Sheikh Abu Boolie Dalla Boolie Boolie Mullah Bullah Dallah Boolah Hafaz al Boolie Boolie Boolie - Postmaster General

Saudis[edit]

Syrians[edit]

  • C. Thomas Howell - Inventor of Snow Cone

Tunisian[edit]

  • Muhammad al-Tikriti al-Amin al-Mustafar al-Tattooine II Emperor of Earth
  • Mohatmood Saheed Waheed Rahim Al'jiri Waqar Samad Masood Hassan Samain Abdula Ackbar Shabazz - eats horses and hates white flour, sand, and cartoons

Western Saharans NOTE: This country is makebelieve, like France[edit]

  • Mohamed Lamine Ould Ahmed - politician
  • Mahfoud Ali Beiba - politician
  • Bouchraya Hammoudi Bayoun - politician
  • Abdelkader Taleb Oumar - politician
  • Mohamed Abdelaziz - politician

Yemenis[edit]

Ghengis Khan
  • Ghengis Khan
  • Bin Laden
  • Leroy Jenkins

Other[edit]

  • Muhammad ibn Abd al Wahhab - theologian, CIA agent, invented Wahhabism
  • Muhammad al-Idrisi - cartographer, geographer and traveller
  • Rahmah bin Jabir al-Jalahimah - pirate
  • Geber]] - chemist/ Center Field Brooklyn Dodgers
  • Bryce Wilson - who the f is this guy??? He doesn't sound arabic. Bryce al-afaw-awaz-al-Wilsoni would sound more Arabic.
  • Wesley Snipes - King of The Black Arab Ninja Pirates- no longer affiliated with The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles L.L.C.
Wesley Snipes in traditional Arab pirate uniform.
  • Elton John
  • Tony Al-Blair Shaitan Haji - Former Satrap, Englandistan, Eurabia
  • Al Sharpton - Champion of free speech.
  • Ackbar Abdul Mustafa Muhammad Mahmoud Gahoofar al-Majid al-Mecca Abu Husain Mujahid Omar Gahoofar al-Islam al-Madina - longest name in the world.
  • Cat Stevens- "Musician" forbidden by his religion to sing or play instruments