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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bacchus.
Bacchus as a young man (left) and as a strangely unhappy older one.

Bacchus is the Greek god of Booze; not the Roman god of booze despite what any goddamn limp-wristed college professors may say. However, bacchus is not the god of booze, because Bacchus is case-sensitive.

Bacchus also has a side gig as the Norse god of Thunder in which he goes by his stage name, "Thor."


Bacchus has a complete line of imprinted T-shirts and toiletries, including toilet paper and spaghetti-strap tops for teenage girls, that he regularly sells from a cart at parades.

Bacchus will also pimp himself out for private parties, if there is enough alcohol at the party.


Some say Bacchus created Humans to use as testers for alcoholic drinks.

The Bane of Bacchus was in fact the colony of Super Boozers he set up on a small island he deemed Ireland. The Irish as they are known ultimately drank Bacchus to death and continue to hold dominance over the worlds booze drinkers. Until a new race of boozers called the Polaks challenged the Irish. The battle will commence when both races get over thier hangovers and sober up enough to find each other, if ever.

The death of Baccus from the Irish is celebrated on St Patty's Day, where revellers flock to the streets lining it with sacrificial puke. Guinness is known as the blood of Bacchus.