Bangladesh

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bangladesh.


History[edit]

Don't you remember it was that one country that was on the back of your watch? Anyway, The now Communist Republic of Bangladesh once used to be one of Pakistan's many missile testing zones ( Kashmir and Afghanistan made up the rest ). Bangladesh is the birthplace ( I think ) of Tanjyla, HII Tanjy!!,and That was back in the days when Bangladesh was famous for it's Jute mills. It was said to be so prosperous that once the Prime Minister of Bangladesh quoted:

"Jute is better than pie"

DULAL C DROWNED ON HIS ONLY VISIT TO BANGLADESH. WE MISS HIM DEARLY. R.I.P

Geography[edit]

Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bangladesh.
Political map of Bangladesh and its neighbours.

Bangladesh is a landmass surrounded on two sides by the evil nation India, eviler Myanmar on one side and by the evilest bay, the Bay of Bengal on the fourth side. Bangladesh exists precariously on the floss of life. Most of this nation of 50 gazillion people live on the razor's edge, because Bangladesh is entirely composed of marshy low lands, huge mosquitos, and dusty, overcrowded cities.

Like New Orleans, Bangladesh is waaaaay -- like 50 billion miles -- below sea level. Unlike New Orleans, during Bangladesh's annual and biannual flooding of 80% of it's landmass, its men don't act as if Christmas has come early. Bangladeshis have learnt that eating big screen TVs during extreme flooding is unpleasant on the teeth and stomach. The glass shards don't do much to alleviate hunger pangs either.

International relations[edit]

Bangladesh is diverse

Bangladesh hates its neighbours India and, to a lesser extent, Myanmar. Well, it hates India a lot and it doesn't really think much about Myanmar because, well let's admit it, no one thinks much about Myanmar. Bangladesh hates India because, even though it is as poor and ugly as Bangladesh is, India still attracts prestigious artists like Christina Aguilera and Carrot Top, and its supposed charm compelled horse-faced Canadian songstress Alanis Morissette to thank it in her follow-up album to Jagged Little Pill. The government of India responded by making Morissette one of its state-recognised goddesses.

Relations with the US were strained recently when Bangladeshi prime minister Khaleda Zia visited New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and made the following statement in an interview with a local television news crew:

"Shit dawg, I thought natural disasters brought the peeps together, but y'alls New Orleaneans just looted 47 inch TVs during the weak-ass whiney flood y'alls had recently. Come to Bangladesh, yo. I'll show you natural disasters. [at this point Zia gives the finger to the camera]"

Resources[edit]

Bangladesh has a lot of natural resources -- most of them human ( children for its sweat shops, women for the fields, and men for standing around in vests and smoking ). Its other main resource is jute, a commodity that has proved difficult to market to nearby countries due to the fact that "jute" means "lie" in India and Pakistan, and "dildo" in Myanmar.

[Comment removed due to distress caused to Bengalis]

Flora and fauna[edit]

The country has pristine forests -- or forests that were pristine till some five billion years ago -- which are the natural habitat of the famously endangered Royal Bengal Tiger. Bangladesh's influential conservationist lobby is doing everything in its power to halt the depletion of the tigers' numbers. However, the country's even more influential anti-conservationist lobby has vowed to wipe out every single one of the blighters as soon as is humanly possible. By next year, there should be nothing but paw prints of tigers left behind as proof of their existence. And after the inevitable flood next year, even these would be gone.

Travel[edit]

Commercial international carriers with routes to Bangladesh include Where The Fuck Is Bangladesh? Airlines and Is Bangladesh, Like, In India? Airlines. You can also hitch a ride on Biman Bangladesh Airlines. Biman Bangladesh Airlines was founded in 1976 by Iqbal Bimanbangladeshairlines Choudhury, and losted the following year by the same man. In 2005, the airlines had a record-high take-off success rate of 7%, and a record-low 13,676 incidents of food poisoning.

Visitors to Bangladesh are advised to avoid dishing out compliments to Pakistan. More than India, Burma, or the Bay of Bengal, Bangladeshis HATE Pakistanis ( except while watching cricket -- then they love Pakistanis ). However, recently, Bangladeshis have begun hating Pakistanis during cricket too, owing to the fact that Bangladesh's national cricket team has recently begun beating Australia ( while narrowly losing to teams from the first world nations of Africa ).

Population[edit]

Bangladesh holds the world record for the only country which has more people than mosquitos. Mosquitos are the second largest ethnic populace of Bangladesh. The human ( fish ) population is made up of 49% males, 43% females, 6% hermaphrodites and 2% George W. Bush look alikes. The current list of famous Bangladeshis include the pop band The Bangles, the lovable canine actor Benji, and the cum-chugging porn "actress" Jazmin. Bangladesh hopes to produce another famous person, of an equal calibre, by approximately 2025 AD.

Exports[edit]

Photo of Monica Ali after she jumped the Louvre's complex security system
Bangladeshis are adept at subterfuge and jumping borders. Notice the striking resemblance with Mona Lisa. They are both the same person.

Bangladesh's main exports are:

  1. "Illegal Immigrants" to neighbouring India and nearby Malaysia,
  2. Pictures and postcards of the Royal Bengal Tiger. These photos and postcards of tigers are exported mainly to UN, UNESCO, UNICEF, NATGEO, WHO, LED ZEPPELIN, U2 and KISS, with pictures of naked, hungry boys and girls standing among the tigers. This is a very profitable business for Bangladesh and constitutes about 99.99% of the nation's total foreign earnings. The balance 0.01% comes from non resident Pakis and non resident Indians who pay to access websites owned by the man-eating tigress Khaleda Zia to see nekkid pictures of her and her friends.
  3. Writers, in English, like Monica Ali to Europe and America. "Monica Ali" is actually an anagram for Mona Lisa in which the 'c' is pronounced with a sibilant hiss 'cos that's how Bangals speak Bengali: kee hocchey in Bengali becomes ki hossey in Bangal etc. Also there is an extra "i" in the anagram but I never noticed that. Thus to remain true to her new vocation ( she writes books on playing with alphabets for pre-school children ) and her new Bangladeshi identity, Mona Lisa has masterfully substituted the "s" in the former by a "c" in the latter.
  4. Stale Iliis fiss to neighbouring India for the Bengalis of West Bengal, who will eat only Bangladeshi Iliis and die, or die.
    Faria Alam wearing Sir Jim Corbett on her skirt and posing -- clinching proof that she devoured Sir Corbett ( photo courtesy - Delhi Mirror )
    The first catch of the season goes directly to His Highness, Jyoti Basu's house, where it is left to pickle in the sun for seven days before its fed to the dogs., viz. the commi dogs of the his household.
  5. Encouraged by the state, Bangladesh has recently started developing and exporting man eating tigresses to third world countries. The latest such man eating tigress to shoot to fame was Faria Alam who devoured England's football coach, Sir Jim Corbett in a practise match of "you show me pee pee i show you my wee wee." Sir Jim Corbett subsequently denied that he had been devoured by the man eating tigress but no one believes him anymore.

Trivia[edit]

  • "Bangladesh" is French for "Bang the desh".
  • Bangladesh is twinned with the Welsh city of Bangor, the two being approximately equal in wealth.
  • The national dish is Bangers 'n' Mash.
  • The most popular bangladeshi swear-word is "Brother-in-law" or শালা ( pronounced Shala )

Current events[edit]

Currently Bangladesh is submerged under water and will rise whenever there is an event.

Famous yet Bengali[edit]

  • Deeder Zaman
  • Muhammad Yunus
  • Cosy Nose rule Islam
  • Gurudeb
  • Maha Gurudeb
  • Maha Maha Gurudeb the Maha
  • Grameen Banker
  • Tausiq Ahmed
  • Ahan. I love men. I am a the first Bangladeshi to come out of the closet and proud of it!

See also[edit]