Barbra Streisand

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Barbra Streisand.
Barbra Streisand: Beauty beyond compare.
Evil comes in pairs.

Barbra Streisand ( or Barbed Wire ) was born in a flying car ( much like the one in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, except with a stereo ) hovering over Tucson, Arizona in 1776. Her mother died giving birth to her when the baby's enormous 171-foot nose impaled her.

( The ACLU won a court case to force the editor of this article to acknowledge the following:

Please note: This may wrongly imply that she has a nose that measures 171 standard feet. She doesn't. She has a nose with 171 actual feet dangling from it. )

Alien Incarnation[edit]

In a previous life, Barbra Streisand was a hacker from outer space. Now, she is a woman but in older days she was an small penguin from the planet XKJ25. Later, she ( she? ) studied math with her idea to take over the galaxy.

A couple of centuries ago, she ( she? ) travelled to Earth and began her career as a singer. Everybody knows that's she ( she? ) it's a singer, but she only have a big potato in her mouth.


Most everyone knows she is the alien daughter of a horse faced alien and some other horse faced alien. Oh, and she likes butta.

Physiology[edit]

In 1999, Ms. Streisand commisioned artist Marge Simpson to paint this most flattering portrait of her

Barbra, or "Babs" to her closest friends, in addition to having the longest nose on record, has a singing range of about 20 octaves, well beyond human hearing range. Thus, her earliest records are most popular amongst dogs, especially gay male dogs. It has been said that her voice, at its peak loudness, could theoretically destroy all buildings in a radius of 23.7 miles.

Origin[edit]

Following World War I, post-war Germany was in dire need of economical strength. That strength came with a nose, and boy was that a big nose, from this wench...

Her nose[edit]

While her taste in underwear is unknown, it is thought it may closely resemble this artists depiction.

She Wishes[edit]

She knew how to quit you...

Political and Pornographic Career[edit]

Barbra is also known for her extremely conservative political views. She has campaigned heavily for George W. Bush and made a documentary attacking far-left cable network Fox News, The Fox and the Hound.

Barbra achieved a high level of notoriety in 1982 when she published the book Sex, a collection of photography of her in sexually explicit positions involving her nose. Despite the controversy, it sold zero copies. This was also the year in which she developed Cecil's "Theory Of Beige" into the full "Neutral Spectrum Thereom", which details the methods for the creation of both Beige, Greenish-Grey, and Off-White.

Barbra is famous for being extremely modest, courteous, and gracious to fans.

Because of their similar shapes, every time someone purchases a cucumber ( whether for food or other purposes ), Barbra receives a royalty.

Discography[edit]

  • The official House M.D. soundtrack
  • I came from hell to get ass
  • Howdy Y'all, The Name's Barbra
  • Color Me With Crayola Crayons
  • Sgt. Barbra's Lonely Hearts Club Band
  • Pet Sounds
  • Dusty in Memphis ( named so because it was recorded during a particularly bad dust storm )
  • You Don't Bring Me Flowers, Which is Good Because I Have Hay Fever
  • Hotel Barbrafornia
  • Fifty Million Barbra Fans Can Be Wrong
  • Disco Streisand
  • Just For the Record
  • Just for the CD ( recent re-issue of the classic album )
  • Barbra's Butt Fills the Hollywood Bowl
  • Songs about Barbra's Songs about Barbra
  • Singing about Swinging to Songs about Barbra
  • In the Wee Small Hours with Wee Small Barbra
  • Songs for Swingin' Lovers Who Love Swingin' and Singin' with Barbra
  • Babs Conducts Tone Poems of Color ( with Nat King Cole )
  • This Is Babs!!!!!
  • Barbra Feels So Close to Barbra Tonight
  • A Swingin’ Affair When Barbra Has an Affair with Barbra
  • Ten Drinks Later: What Fricken Town Am I In?
  • A Charming Christmas with a Jewish Girl Singer
  • Come Fly with Me, I've Had Nine Margaritas
  • This Is Barbra's High Volume Singing, Volume 2
  • Barbra Is Lonely and Sings for Lonely Barbra Who is Singing
  • Barbra Is Dancing and Sings for Dancing Barbra Who is Singing
  • Look in My Heart, Its Behind My Breasts
  • No One Cares So I'm Going to Kill Myself
  • Point of No Return, I'm Really Serious This Time It's Suicide
  • Barbra Thinks of Things and Sings of Things
  • Ring-A-Ding-Ding-Ding-Babsa-Babsa-Barbra
  • Swing Along With Swinging Barbra Swinging
  • Frank Sinatra Remembers Barbra but Doesn't Sing on This Record
  • Barbra Breaks Barbra's Bra
  • Barbra's Ass and Barbra's Brass
  • All Alone with Barbra When She's Alone
  • Barbra-Basie: The Count Bows before Queen Barbra
  • The Concert Barbra in Concert
  • Barbra's Barbra In Barbra's Own Words about Barbra
  • Barbra Sings the Academy Awards She Was Cheated Out Of
  • Barbra, I Hear You Singing
  • America, I Hear You Hearing Barbra
  • It Might as Well Be Barbra ( overdubbed with Barbra )
  • Softly, As Barbra Dreams of Barbra
  • Barbra at 85: Barbra the Singer Today
  • September of My Barbra Years
  • My Kind of Barbra
  • Barbra and Her Music
  • Moonlight Barbra
  • Barbra Is a Stranger in Barbra's Night ( with Frank Sinatra )
  • Starting to Get Just a LITTLE Sick of Barbra
  • That's Barbra's Life
  • Simply: Barbra
  • The Barbra That Nobody Knows
  • The Barbra That Nobody Even Thinks about Knowing
  • The Barbra That Even Barbra Doesn't Know
  • The Barbra That It Turns out Barbra Knew All Along
  • The Barbra That Nobody Ever Wanted to Know, Not Even Barbra
  • Ah, Barbra!
  • Barbra Wishes You a Gentile Barbra Easter
  • Ol’ Barbra Eyes Is Back
  • Some Nice & Loud Barbra Songs You've Missed from Barbra
  • The Main Event – Barbra Live
  • Trilogy: Barbra Barbra Barbra
  • Barbra Shot Me Down
  • Barbra Is Barbra's Lady Forever
  • The Barbra Sessions
  • The Barbra Collection
  • The Barbra Years
  • The Barbra Months
  • The Barbra Fortnights
  • The Barbra Weeks
  • The Barbra Freaks
  • Bi-Freakly Barbra
  • Biweekly Barbra
  • The Barbra Nights
  • The Barbra Days
  • Barbra Day Afternoon
  • Minute by Minute with Barbra
  • The Barbra Years 1492-2007: The Complete Recordings
  • The Song Is Barbra
  • The Complete Barbra Non-Studio Recordings
  • The Complete Barbra Singles Collection
  • The Best of the Barbra Years: 1066-2066
  • Barbra in Hollywood: 1920-1978
  • The Real Complete Barbra
  • The Essential Barbra Even Though You're Throwing Up
  • Emotion
  • Devotion
  • To Causing A Commotion
  • Lotion
  • Motion
  • Potion
  • Unction
  • Erosion
  • The Bitch is Back!
  • Shitty Shitty Bang Bang: The Barbra Streisand Studio Recording
  • I Love Pink Sweaters
  • You're an Impoverished Queer if You Have All My Fucken Records
  • The World's Greatest Hobo Songs
  • Superman
  • Lex Luthor
  • Jimmy Olson
  • Barbra Will Rock You, Rock You, Rock You
  • Wet & Ready ( Babs goes Neurotica..err... erotica! Smash hit, multiplatinum album in Magadascar )
  • The Veil we Wear To Hide our Nose ( a set of 12 heartbreaking ballads for big nostrils )
  • Guilty
  • Not Guilty
  • Hung Jury
  • Appeal ( with Alan Dershowitz )
  • Shriller
  • The Sound of Me Eating
  • One Voice, One Really, Really Loud Voice
  • Baby Got Back
  • Live at the Schenectady Burger King
  • I Forgot to Wear Panties This Morning
  • Something 4 My Niggaz
  • Willenium
  • A Great Big Pile Of Absolute Shit
  • The Real Slim Shady
  • Streisand Sings Car Alarm Sirens
  • Screw the Democrats
  • I'm GUILTY for bringing Barry Gibb and myself back from the dead
  • Bad Bad Bush
  • I'm Not a Drag Queen: The Essential Barbra Streisand
  • Alle Bar-Bra
  • Barbra's Essential, Lovely, Truely, Madly, Completely, Crazy, Stupid, Slutty, Guilty, Greatest Hits
  • Something To Get Your Groove On ( also known as The Giggity-Giggity-Giggity-Giggity Concerto for Sonic Ecstasy )

Filmography[edit]

  • Make buttsecks, not war!
  • Frankenstraisand
  • Unfunny Girl ( with Omar Sharif )
  • Hello, Dali!
  • Hello, Deli!
  • Hello, Delhi! ( Bollywood Studios )
  • Hello, Dolly!
  • On a Clear Day, You Can See My Nose Forever
  • What's Up, Doc?
  • You're Despicable
  • I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat
  • Funny Hermaphrodite
  • Be Vewy Quiet, I'm Hunting Wabbits, Heh Heh Heh Heh
  • Unfunny Lady
  • Barbra Streisand and the Holy Grail
  • Barbra Streisand's The Meaning of Life
  • Night of the Living Streis
  • Dawn of the Streis
  • Day of the Streis
  • Land of the Streis
  • A Star is Born
  • A Star Goes Supernova
  • A Star Get Aborted
  • Barbra Does Dallas
  • Yentl Saves Christmas ( also directed )
  • The Prince of Clorox
  • Barbra Streisand: Ancient ( In Concert )
  • One Night in Barbra
  • The Mirror Has Two Faces, So One of Them Doesn't Have to Look at Your Ugly Mug
  • Eat the Fockers
  • Eat the Fockers 2 Electric Boogaloo
  • Barbra whistles all her greatest hits through her abnormally large nose( contains silence )
  • My Nose, I hardly knew ye!"
  • Help! This Clam is Eating My Face!"
  • Barbara Streisand's 36 Chambers of Death and Other Famous Wu-Tang Interpretations

( Note that her last effort consisted of 8 1/2 hours of a blank screen, but she did perform her own stunts )