Bart Simpson

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bart Simpson.

Bartholomew 'Bart' JoJo Constintine Charles Brian Aberforth Michael Joseph Frank ( the mole ) David Andrew Alberto Simpson is one of the most outstanding citizens residing in Springfield. He is the only person Satan worships. Last heard, Satan has collected 666 straws used by Bart to drink soda. Bart comes from a particular wise family who give out advise to lost youth and found geriatrics on their TV show called, The Simpsons. The word brat in the English language comes from an anagram of Bart.

Character Origins[edit]

Bart's big underwater action scene

There are a lot of stories on how the Holy Bart came into being. One of them of course is the most refuted rumour that he is a product of the sexual union between Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson The other story says that Bart came from the sea when the band Seattle grunge metal band Nirvana was shooting still images for their album Nevermind. His naked sermon to Kurt Cobain changed Kurt's life completely. As you can see in the image that Bart arrived from the heavens as old as he always is. It is rumored that morphologically Bart will always remain immortal. There are more than a hundred thousand stories of Bart's origin, which you can choose to believe depending on what faith and religion you follow. A comprehensive encyclopedia is available on Whamazon.com for $666. West Coast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Death of Bart Simpson[edit]

You moron, Bart Simpson does NOT die. Didn't you read the above section? Bart Simpson becomes Harry Potter!

Famous people to follow Bartology[edit]

  • Milhouse is often involved in Bart's escapedes but no one pays attention to him because Milhouse is his sex slave. Milhouse is also Gay. Extremely gay....
  • Ned Flanders is Bart's pretending-to-be Christian neighbour but is the second High Priest of the last church of Bartology.
  • Tom Cruise has been awarded Barthood after doing the Bartology On-the-Couch ritual on Oprah. He has been given the Lifetime Bartchievement award for being the most successful spy in the Church of Scientology. Unnamed Bartologists claim to know all the secret passwords of Scientology.
  • You are the most important member of the last church of Bartology especially after you made it to the cover of Time.
  • Kurt Cobain of course.
  • Oprah Winfrey as a result of the On-the-Couch ritual.
  • Chloe Miseryguts, backing singer with techno band thewomb.
  • Jeff Lebowski as a result of the Faithful Time Travel phenomenon.

Battles Bart fought and lived to tell about[edit]

It is well known The Simpsons invited many beings and powerful entities to come to Springfield. What is not too well known is that Bart has a open challenge to anyone who wants to challenge their power against the Holy one. The list consist of every person Bart has fought and defeated. Some of their losses was so severe that there was reprocutions after the battle.

  • Michael Jackson- It doesn't matter if you're black or white, hee hee.
  • The Ramones- Otto ran their bus over a cliff, and were killed in the explosion before they even left Springfield.
  • Adam West - Batman
  • Mel Gibson- Not very popular now, are you?
  • Satan- Now worships Bart.
  • God- Now member of Bartology.
  • Stan Lee- Bart worshiper
  • WWE- Name, company, and people are now dying if not already dead.
  • Sonic- Where's the Sega console now?
  • Super Mario- He isn't so super any more.
  • King of the Hill
  • MacGyver
  • Jack Bauer- Bart does not fear the power of Bauer.
  • Tony Hawk- Force to make a Simpsons skating game. Bart regretted it.
  • Former president George Bush- Got beat so hard, his son felt it. Son became stupid afterwards.
  • Al Bundy- Has humaliated to the pointof changing his name to Ted Bundy, and took up a hobby of murder.
  • Tim "The Foolman" Taylor
  • MC Hammer- Hammer's now living in a box.
  • Japan
  • Fox TV- Afraid to stand up against own creations afterwards.
  • Futurama- Fox encouraged them to do it.
  • X-Files- Mulder likes to carry a picture of himself in his undies now.
  • Steve Urkel
  • Adam Sandler- Forced into taking the lead role in "Punch Drunk Love"
  • Everyone in The Simpsons

Famous Quotes[edit]

Eat my shorts!

~ Bart Simpson

¡Ay, caramba!

~ Bart Simpson on the 1st words spoken when he saw Marge and Homer having it.

Can't sleep, clown will eat me.

~ Bart Simpson on Simpson eating clowns

Ohhh, I see... you HATE him, so you gave him to the church.

~ Bart Simpson on his dog when Willie said he ate it

I want to be emancipated!

~ Bart Simpson on being the Dude

It's craptacular.

~ Bart Simpson on being on TV

I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

~ Bart Simpson on the faculty talent show

I don't know but it inspired Bill Buckner to open a chain of Laundromats.

~ Bart Simpson on the effects of Bartology on common man.

I'll give you four bucks for it.

~ Bart Simpson on an attempt to convert You to Bartology

Am I the only one in horrible pain?

~ Bart Simpson on Reality TV

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

~ Bart Simpson on the real meaning of Christmas

Man, I'm so bored.

~ Bart Simpson on this page

I could take up smoking.

~ Bart Simpson on what would he do if left in a room full of Marlboro cigarettes?

Man, most of the quotes above are really things I said. No wonder the Jee Man didn't approve this page!

~ Bart Simpson on this page

Screw you man!

~ Bart Simpson on You

I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

~ Bart Simpson on politely introducing himself to you

Don't let that scene in the movie fool you. It was cold that day we shot it.

~ Bart Simpson on talking about his "Nudity" on the movie.