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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Beer.
GOVERNMENT WARNING: According to the Surgeon General, the use of Beer impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.

Since 1862 BC, that is!


Beer is the thick paste found under democratic types. It is drunk by adults who around the age of 16 convince themselves they enjoy the taste of it. This is in preparation for the many years ahead in their life where alcohol consumption becomes the sole social activity they'll take part in, culminating in their eventual pickling for use as a placebo ingredient in premium lager beer. Beer makes the user temporarily sane, and thus leads to their downfall. It can also lead to conceptual sanity morphing into a tasty nightclub sesh'. More often than not, this peaceful shape cutting ends in a kebab-fueled rampage wherein the cops have to be called. Once the shit has been laid down the drinker will be issued with a stiff dose of headache and nausea, courtesy of the state.

Beer is made of hops. This is unlike wine, which is made of skips, and whisky which is made of jumps. Brandy is made from old jumpers, and Martini is brewed from all the leftover resin squeezed out of mens' sweaty gym shorts. It takes 0.00000000000000001475 seconds to brew a whole gallon of beer, which helps maintain its staus as google's fastest search result. I had a beer once. I awoke hours later in a daze, with no mammory of what had happened and a large set of breasticles slapping against my neck. It was the best night of my life.


Frequent chilled abuse can lead to epilepsy or it can lead you somewhere else. To avoid the bananaskin of vengeance play Pokemon and use oysters to ward off evil spirits. Only then will you be safe from the killer robot chickens.

Drinking paint leads to an orienteering deficiency. Cutting fringes off of policemen will irritate them no end but will not stop beer's relentless march towards the donut store. This is all relevant.