Ben Affleck

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ben Affleck.


The following article contains refrences to a smart duck named Ben Affleck and has no relation with the retarded Ben Affleck

Ben is happy.


Ben Affleck ( Originally named Ben Assfleck ) is a homosexual who is most famous for his role in commercials for Affleck Insurance, a company he owns. He also served as rectal scrub brush for Jennifer Lopez, and later carried on a romance with renowned female impersonator Jennifer Garner, who he later impregnated, setting the world of science in a tizzy.

Rumour has it that he is the bomb in Phantoms. This led to him playing the lead bomb in Pearl Harbor.

Biography[edit]

Born on November 13th, 1974 to Christine and Mr. Waddles Affleck, he celebrated his 60th birthday on the 7th of september 1999 at the age of 75. Ben was not a very handsome duckling. In fact, he was commonly referred to as The Ugly Duckling. When he was 14, Ben entered a therapy program to overcome the years of ridicule for his appearance.

However, the joke would be on those that had mocked him. When Ben turned 18, he blossomed into a handsome duck. He then went to college at Syracuse University, majoring in Business Administration.

When Ben turned 20 his penis gained an extra inch, making it a total of....... 2.7 inches. I think we should all give Ben a round of applause. *clap!clap!clap!clap!

Upon graduation, Ben started a small insurance company. The company did not take off immediately. However, Ben began doing commercials featuring himself repeating his own name, which was also the name of the company. After this, his company flourished and he is now one of the richest ducks in America, second only to Scrooge McDuck.

Affleck enjoyed a brief relationship with Jennifer Lopez, who is known for her duck fetish and dislike of mere mortals. Affleck dated J.Lo for 3 days, getting engaged and calling the wedding off no less than 174 times in this period. During their relationship, the ever witty tabloids dubbed the couple Bennifer Ben liked this name so much that after the break up, he went on to marry Jennifer Garner, just to retain the Bennifer title, he is reported to have said at the wedding "I don't actually like her, but at least I'm Bennifer again."

His brother, Casey Affleck is brother-in-law to Joaquin Phoenix, who has a penchant for dressing up as a manatee.

Aliases[edit]

  • Ben Dover
  • Ben Potaddictedcrackfuck
  • Oprah Winfrey
  • The giant bug that says "good good" in family guy
  • Ya mum
  • Chad Wick, the gay interviewer
  • NOT Weird Al Yankovic

Affleck, still riding the wave of his Afflack commercials, which made him an affluent businessman, is occasionally ridiculed by critics as someone who "can't act," though, their credibility is undermined by the fact that they can't stop talking about him, or stop watching his movies.

Acclaim is currently working on a video game entitled, "Ben Affleck, Going Quackers!" which is to be released right after the third Season of Chapelle's Show is over. The game is being released for such popular systems as Gamegear, Jaguar 2000, the timeless classic, NTelevision, and the most sucessful game system, The Virtual Boy. The game includes actual voice-overs from the real Ben Affleck as well as live-action cut scenes from his blockbuster hits "Gigli" and "Jersey Girl." In addition, it has been rumored that this is the sequel to the "Daredevil" video game released in 2003. A real treat for all Affleck-enthusiasts. Many gaming magazines are already calling this the greatest video game since "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York."

Crackheadfred.com Penis Size:[edit]

Our reporting say that he has a 4 inch penis, choad like with a small vein on top.

Ben Affleck ( One of Lifes Little Jokes )

Ben Affleck has been waiting to hit the big screen all his life. Can you help his dream come true as he only has 3 months to live.

This was a letter sent to movie production companies that got him a role on a big time movie. However no matter how many people prayed to god, Ben survived his "disease" and has sinced punished the movie going public and by making films such as Dare Devil where he wore a tight red suit and pranced about for 90mins. This film even failed to impress middle aged women, which is incredible as they get turned on by Bruce Forsyth. He also maneged to get a role on Perl Habour this however was a brilliant performance in a amasing movie. It really is incredible how even being sarcasticly nice about Ben Affleck hurts.

Christian, Hindo, Buddist and Atheists have all joined together to try to get action movies off the screen so that poor acters such as Ben Affleck and The Rock will go out of work. There stratorgy has been to put bad movies onto the screen to put movie goers off. However this stratorgy has been a faliure, largely due to the brainless imbesiles who saw them in the first place.

Inanimate[edit]

As of 2006 Ben Afflecks Career AND DVD's are both completly Inanimate.