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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Benin.

This article may have been censored by His Excellency, Robert Mugabe.

What's that? you don't agree with my official policies? You're trying to undermine
Zimbabwe and her precious democracy, aren't you? TRAITORS TO THE REVOLUTION!

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Glorious Nation of Benin
Benin flag.jpg
( Flag )
Motto: Make benefit glorius nation of Benin!
Anthem: The Entertainer
Capital Porto-Novo ( New Port in English )
Official languages Beninese, Portish, Newbish
Government Hardly
National Heroes Big Ben
Currency Barter System
Religion Yes

Benin is one of those African countries no one really knows about or cares about. It borders Togo, Burkina Faso, Niger, and Nigeria. The capital city is Porto-Novo, which is either French or Spanish for "New Port" ( I'm not sure which language it is; it would take me too long to check on Wikipedia ). Old Port burned down in 1967 when someone dropped a lit joint and was too lazy to pick it up. New Port was soon built and a "No Smoking" sign was put up.


Benin is said to be ten years behind in American culture. Teenagers enjoy playing their Nintendo 64's, everyone uses Windows 95, the Spice Girls are 'hip', and Seinfeld is still cool. It's rather like a time capsule in there. Tourists mostly come for the nostalgia of the 90's.


The Uncyclomedia Foundation interviewed a Beninese man about his country's history. The conversation went like this:

  • U:Sir, could you tell me about your country's history?
  • Man:Yes, okay, what you want to know?
  • U:About the History of Benin.
  • Man:I don't know. I not learned this. Benin old country, it around for ever. We forget.
  • U:Do you know when Benin was founded?
  • Man:Well, it around forever. It is the year of 2007 right now, and time started on year 0, so Benin 2007 years old.
  • U:Do you know who the first president of Benin was?
  • Man: No, I don't know. I telled you that already! I heard about great president man 'Bill Clinton' on television once...I think he might have been Benin's first president.

So there you go. A complete history of Benin.


Beninese people are free to worship their owns Gods, Goddesses, and deities. People are encouraged to create their own gods and sell them in tiki and sculpture form to tourists in order to increase Benin's economy.


Like most Western African countries, Benin makes up most of its economy from sending out Spam, and producing internet frauds. But this is mostly because of Benin's full-time government employed mafia. The mafia is made up mostly of orphans. The mafia is seperated into two classes: geeks and theifs. The "geeks" operate the computers and send out Spam and frauds, and the theifs steal unwary tourists' cameras, wallets, shoes, hats, combs, condoms, glasses, backpacks, and anything they can get their orphan hands on. Tip to tourists: coat your valubles in something wet, smelly, and sticky if you wish to deter orphans from stealing them. Other sources of economic income include begging, taking money from those "feed an African child" programs, selling cheap souvenirs, begging, prostitution, drug sales, and selling things on the Black Market. So it's basically like the United States, but in Africa.

Benin's future[edit]

Hi, I just went there in the future , theres a Borders for every family with a place to tie up cows out the front and about 5 McDonalds's per head of population. Its fucked!