Bipolar disorder
From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
Bipolar disorder, also known as 'happy happy-not not' disease, IS A SO-CALLED PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITION INVENTED IN THE LATE 1970'S ( Not to be confused with Manic Depression which is an Impact Crater caused by the Clinically Manic JUMPING OUT OF AEROPLANES AT 20,000 FEET!!! ). Prior to 1970 sufferers of this illness were locked away in artist lofts and poets' corners and kept away from the general public. SHUT THE FUCK UP GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE GO GET A MOTHER FUCKING LIFE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT GO SHOVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD UP YOUR FUCKING ASS YOU FUCKING BITCH. It wasn't until the 21st century that the thinking changed regarding this mysterious malady. In May of 2005 reknowned scientist Dr. Tom Cruise made the earthshattering announcement before the Harvard School of Psychological Sciences that Bipolar disorder is "all in your head".
Scientists once believed that bipolar disorder was caused by a combination of parental and environmental factors. NO I WILL NOT SUCK YOUR DICK YOU DISGUSTING FUCK WHY ARENT YOU DEAD?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Most commonly the onset of this disorder would be linked to a fat, poorly dressed mother who forced her family to act normal when daddy came home drunk and used a shotgun to rid the dining room of it's cockroach problem.I TOUCHED MY POOP ONCE IT FEELS LIKE A FUCKING TURD!! This stressful environment would then cause Junior to become the school bully and later in life, the chatroom troll. Modern science has since come to realize that children should be seen and not heard, and simply lock up the troublemakers in military school or detention centers.
As a result, President Bush has added Bipolar disorder to the list of psychosomatic illnesses no longer covered by Medicaid. According to White House spokesman Bill O'Reilly, "Yay! More money for the war chest."
[edit] Symptoms
Bipolar disorder manifests itself in numerous ways, most notably:
Depression: Tailgating interstate drivers who dare to drive only 85 mph; loss of interest in drugs and alcohol; difficulty oversleeping; inability to wait in long lines at the DMV.
Mania: Capable of infinite Uncyclopedia one-liner entries due to decreased need for sleep; increased chatroom spamming and flooding; increased goal-directed activity such as prank phone calls and bathroom graffiti.
Fits of uncontrollable laughter followed by sobbing: This tends to happen wh-wh-whhhaaaahhahahahahahahaahahahahahahah omg omg omg *sob* I hate my life!! Aaaahhhhh *sob* *sob* whatamIcryingabout hahahahahahaah!
[edit] Treatment
Although this "illness" was once treated with lithium and vodka, this is deemed no longer necessary due to exhaustive scientific experimentation and research on the part of Dr. Tom Cruise and his assistent, Emperor of the Universe.
