Bisexuality

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bisexuality.


Bisexuality is a disease in which one has a sexual attraction towards both the same sex and dogs; the term bisexual is an adjective describing somebody with bisexuality.

In most civilized countries like Niger and Saudi Arabia, bisexuality is against the law and punishable by death, as is heterosexuality. In more barbaric countries, such as the United States, bisexuality is treated with contemporary medicine.

Bisexuality wasn't recognized as an illness until the early 19th century after a plague of bisexuality wiped out the entire town of Corrington in Virginia. Immediately after the outbreak, drug manufacturers began producing experimental drugs to eliminate bisexuality. Early side effects included the elimination of bilingality, biathlons, and bicycles.

The disease is highly communicable and is typically spread much like the common cold. It can be caught via the land, sea, air, and sometimes in space. However the beleif that it is communicatable by toilet seat is untrue. That's Ebola. Bisexuality is a disgusting illness in men but extremely hot in women........or is it the reverse?

They are also known as been plain greedy.

Complete bisexuality is common miss-diagnosed illness in women, the only recorded genuine case was in recorded in rural China in 1973 but the affected patient died of extreme hawtness moments later.

It is a popular misconception that bisexuals exsist, however, you either suck cock or you don't suck cock...There is no middle ground... Sorry assjockies and rug munchers pretending to be socalled "Bisexuals".

Symptoms[edit]

When one becomes infected with bisexuality, he/she will notice immediate symptoms. If recognized immediately, the disease can be cured by meat injections. However, often times there will be no symptoms at all until it's too late. Below are symptoms of bisexuality:

  • Fever, followed by a headache
  • 50% less free weekend and leisure time
  • Spontaneous human combustion
  • Constant erection
  • Interest in Paganism or witchcraft
  • Being an overweight female adolescent
  • Attention whoreism
  • Twitchy, rapid movements, similar to Turrets or maybe alcoholism.
  • Replacing all "H" sounds with a soft "I" sound.

Vaccine[edit]

A vaccine is given to children within the United States to prevent spread of bisexuality. Despite this, cases of bisexuality are reported every year. People in the high risk category are:

  • Those not vaccinated (poor people, illegal immigrants)
  • People with weakened immune systems

If not vaccinated, one stands a 78% chance of getting the disease. Bisexuality, which is actually the first stage of an even more deadlier disease, homosexuality, has a 97% survival rating. However, if the disease advances without treatment, it can develop into homosexuality, which has a 1% chance of survival rating, ultimately resulting in death.

History[edit]

Bisexual was a term coined during the 20th century referring to a person so hideously ugly that they are not likely to find a mate unless they are prepared to undertake sexual intercourse with anyone regardless of gender or smell.

This solution was devised by "Mahatma Gandhi" when he noticed that whilst he could help the poor and afflicted, he had done nothing to get ugly people laid. Being the caring individual he was, that did not rest easy on his conscience.

Ghandi's Early Works[edit]

The great man's original solution lay in what is now called "beastiality" but after several unsuccessful attempts to train his pet goat, and an unfortunate accident involving 17 west indian shrews and a penis amputation, Ghandi accepted that humans must have sex with other humans. Many months of depression followed for the goat.

The Mahatma's Epiphany[edit]

Whilst wandering through what is now "Tesco", Mahatma Ghandi had an epiphany whilst staring blankly in to what are now 'Heinz Baked Beans'. Maybe it was the cyanide being pumped through the air-con, maybe it was the dodgy sandwich he had for lunch, but something happened to Ghandi that day, and he fled from the supermarket stripped off his clothes and screamed "I shall fuck anything"

In 1934 he wrote his career defining book "Why ugly people can't have standards".