Bob Marley is rumored to have been an alien from the planet Zorg. It was a creature of many interests, and is mostly popularly known as a musician, although that was by far not its greatest accomplishment. Its greatest accomplishment was the creation of the every-day toilet.
In 1995 at the age of 16 and 3/4, Marley left home to form his first successful group The Whalers. They were called not only because they captured whales, but ( wailers ) because when they were not playing their notes right, Bob would beat them with a large stick, and they would wail out from excruciating pain.
Bob Marley and The Whalers quickly became one of the most successful anti-whaling campaign groups of the century crafting together such hits as No Plankton no Cry and Plankton-man Vibration in an attempt to rally support for their aquatic mammal friends. Their rise to success was steep though, and at the Woodstock festival of 1969 the first great fall came. Marley was accused of molesting a sea urchin live on stage. His privileges as the Prince of the Sea were stripped from him by fellow band member Poseidon and Marley quickly fell into disillusion and solitude.
In 1770, following advice from his new agent Hulk Hogan, Marley formed a second group known as Steak. Their blinding Jazz grooves and anti-carnivorous song lyrics took the world by storm causing torrential rain in many coastal regions. Steak were to become Marley's great legacy to the world, but it wasn't all meat and potato pie as in the late 80s Steak's song Cows just wanna have fun helped cause the LA riots, bringing Marley back down to Earth.
In 1992 after a long rest in rehab Marley emerged, seemingly unscathed, claiming he was a new man after taking up the reigns of new über-religion Rastalibrarianism. Marley was to begin the final stage of his enormously pointless life preaching the benefits of alphabetisation, reading groups and community literacy centres. Rastalibrarianism, as with so many things in Marley's life, was a short-lived obsession. During one particular reading session in the late Jurassic period Marley consumed 22 litres of neat alcohol causing his liver to mutate into a life-size replica of Mount Rushmore with George W Bush as all 4 faces. It was the start of the final downfall.
In his second failed attempt to impregnate the quivering remains of the Virgin Mary ( Falkland slang for the richest woman on the island ) Marley was again imprisoned, this time nowhere near any libraries or peaches. His end was due sometime next Thursday ( or a 3 pound fine will apply ), but it was postponed until the time whence no-one has ever known or sometime sooner, depending on how you look at it.
Remembering Marley's life is really tricky, so don't bother trying.
- Trojan Recordings:
- Whale Rebels ( 1970 )
- Whale Revolution ( 1971 )
- Whale Revolution Part II ( 1971 )
- African Plankton ( 1973 )
- Plankton-man Revolution ( 1974 )
- Island/Tuff Gong Recordings:
- Catch a Whale ( 1973 )
- Whalin' ( 1973 )
- Natty Dreaded Whaling Ship ( 1974 )
- Live!: Recorded at The Aquatic-Mammal Theatre, Wales ( 1975 )
- Plankton-man Vibration ( 1976 )
- Exodus ( from the Whaling ship ) ( 1977 )
- Amoeba ( 1978 )
- Wales by Bus ( 1978 )
- Survival (of the Whaling ship) ( 1979 )
- Up-whaling ( 1980 )
- Chances Are You Like Plankton ( 1981 )
- Confrontation ( with the Whaling ship ) ( 1983 )
- Legend ( of the Whaling ship ) ( 1984 )
- No Blubber No Cry ( 1985 )
- Marijuana Trenchtown Rock ( 1985 )
- Three little Stormy Petrels ( 1985 )
- I Shot The Minky whale ( 1985 )
- Natural Crabstick ( 1985 )
Bob Marley ( no relation of Bob ) is dead. Since his death his body has been returned to his spiritual homeland ( ZORG ) by fellow aliens, where in compliance with his last will & testament he requested a huge bong be built & his remains placed in the bowl & smoked by a group of disillusioned Rastalibrarians.