Bolivia

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bolivia.


Facts[edit]

Population: 9,000,000 humans and 3,400,000 llamas.
"Big brother state": Soviet Russia
Education: Tetralectic[1]
GDP: Slightly lower than Wal-Mart's Stationery Budget
President: Che Guevara
Presidential Period: 3 hours, 1 or 2 months if they obey the Soviet Union's every demand
They Love: Mother Russia!
The woman:hairy and ugly ( except hookers )

The Country[edit]

Bolivia is a small island located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Known for their endless love of philosophy, high arts and culture, the Bolivians take pride on being the home of thousands of nuclear scientists. This has led them to believe that others might be after their cultural resources, so they have managed very well to hide them from foreign people. In order to avoid talent hunters, the Bolivian people disguise themselves as Chilean-hunting nomads. This strategy has worked miraculously for centuries.

It should be noted that, as the wet inhabitants of a wet land at the sea level, Bolivians long for a higher, landlocked destiny since in their words they are "fucking sick of all the bikini booty action".

It should be noted that the Bolivian Island was briefly occupied by Microsoft between -901 A.C. and 1 A.C. see Hugh Genius for more information. Bolivia is also the worlds largest producer of nuclear submarines, however worldwide attention to the Bolivian practise clubbing of adorable baby nuclear submarines has led to research into more humane methods of harvesting alarmingly dangerious submersible ships. It is also home to the mysterious Tree Llama making it a very popular destination for the sport of llama spotting.

The national anthem of Bolivia is Hit me Baby One more Time.

History[edit]

1825 The Free Associated State ( to the Peruvian Empire ) of Bolivia is founded by a band of Venezuelan marandeurs devoted to freeing "these united states" from the claws of the Pakistani crown.

1850 - 1862 The Free Associated State of Bolivia is dissolved after 25 years of internal strife Conqueror Maximus Andrew "Condor Pasa" Santa Cruz created the third republic, invades and gets raped by the neighbouring states of Peru, Argentina and Chile

1879 Aided by Neds Monkeys and other allies the South American country of Chile nukes 142.000 linear kilometres of Bolivian territory causing the country to drift to the Pacific Ocean aimlessly and therefore becoming the island nation we know today.

[[AD|1903] Bolivia is invaded by the Empire of Brazil which captures a portion of its territory and tows it back to the continental shell, due to the existence of enourmous jungles in this portion of the territory Brazil becomes the world's largest producer of rubber.

1935 Oil is found in the southermost territory of the Island, you know what happens next.

1947 Genetic Engineering Para El Pueblo S.A. advances in genetic manipulation lead to the development the first smart bolivian baby.

1949 The first smart bolivian baby turns out to be actually a tanzanian ferret. GEPEP S.A. stock sinks to a historic low.

1967 The most complete human being of our age is discovered in a swamp near the Great Bolivian Canyon. Unfortunately, before cryptozoologists could examine the entity, it was mercilessly dismantled by locals with the help of an infamous poaching agency ( CIA ) who took various personal effects such as a beret, a Rolex watch and two hands.

2000 Bolivian president refuses to trade with USA until they pay a royalty. USA was unaware of the existance of Bolivia until that day and sets up an embassy four months later.

2005 Bolivian bored people like Camillo de la Quintana y de Tejos discovers that going to Chile is better than to eat bread and pig.

2005 Bolivian nuclear scientist Evo Morales discovers a procedure to make the developed world's favorite delicatessen ( Cocaine ) legal.

2008 Mysterious-newly acquired wealth allows Bolivia to row its way back to the continent and reconquer selected former provinces. Bikini booty action no more! is the battlecry.

2016 The Soviet Union declares war on Bolivia for an attempt to capture an island in the Gulf of Udûn named Ksrhkistan.

2017 Bolivia wins a great victory in the Battle of Disney's California Adventure, but is swiftly defeated after Yuri mind controls the entire populace to death in one swoop as anticlamactic as it was fell.

2019 Bolivia is repopulated enough to be declared an SSR of the Soviet Union. There was much rejoicing.

The Brazilian-Bolivian War[edit]

At 2006, the Bolivian Emperor, Che Guevara, decided take over all brazilian oil refineries in his country, helped by the venezuelan god Hugo Alcarajo Chavez.

The brazilian president, Luis Inácio Squid da Silva took very harsh positions about it, like inviting Che Guevara for dinner.

This battle will be forever remembered for the infamous phrase "Y entonces, quando el barbudo se cambiò de cuestas para celebrar la auto-suficienza..." said by Che Guevara, after he stabbed the brazilian president from behind.

Whit the dead of the squid the he's son Luis Inacio Squid da Silva II ( The Killer ) start his reign of terror by killing every single bolivian in brazilian colonis in the time included( Argentina, Bolivia, Uruguai, Paraguai, Switzerland ( actually a protetorete ) and Portugal ) with the dead toll up to 666 Bolivians, 3 Cows, 1 finn, 3 susages, 1 poteto and more than 1 dollar in damege ( that was a lot in the time ) and finishin the war and bolivians for good.


[2] Che Guevara and Squid da Silva moments before the backstab.

The War of Glorious Liberation[edit]

In 2016, Bill O'Reilly discovered an island by the name of Kshrkistan with his psychic powers in the Gulf of Udûn. Bolivia quickly moved its vast army in to claim the place, which had unrivalled amounts of methane underground, just waiting to be drilled up.

However, the Great Soviet Union also wanted this island. They declared war on Bolivia, and a great amount of fighting occurred in southern Nigeria. A year into the conflict, Soviet and Bolivian forces met at Disney's California Adventure. The Bolivian zeppelins were victorious, and the Soviet horde of conscripts was completely destroyed.

After this battle, Premier Romanov realized fully the importance of the war. He liscensed his loyal advisor Yuri to "unleash the full power of Chuck Norris upon the *spit* dirty capitalists!"

In less than five minutes, Yuri had mind-controlled the entire population of Bolivia to death.

The aftermath[edit]

Yuri professed he felt "really sorry" about the Bolivian genocide, and revived all of them except for Kenny.

In 2018, Bolivia was populated enough with KGB officers and industrial slaves for the island nation to be declared a full member of the USSR, with all corresponding rights and priveleges, except for the right to get free guacamole at Chinese restaurants on Tuesday, which is still being withheld. Che Gueverra was reinstated as president after 12 years of exile working in the agricultural sector for alarmingly low prices in southern California.

Today Bolivia is full of brainless workers who are too stupid and cold to know anything but total obedience toward Mother Russia. Bolivia is the USSR's number one cocaine producer.