British porn
British porn was invented by Margaret Thatcher in 1984 to subjugate the masses. It relies on a little-understood effect called Realitivus Televisiosis, in which one becomes obsessively fixated on watching an uninteresting event in the vain hope that something more interesting may happen.
British porn consists of topless women jumping up and down on fully-clothed men.
Definition of British Porn[edit]
The legal definition of British Porn states that it must not contain "pop-shots, flap-shots or panhandles". An undocumented (but widely observed) detail of British Porn is that all the women must have Essex accents and at least one tattoo.
Ceremonial Porn-wear is also an important part of proceedings, and revolves around the use of several "uniforms" including Nurse, French Maid and Nazi cocksucker.