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The CIA doesn't spy on anyone, your grandma tells them everything about you, so they'll arrest you and get her out of the retirement home you put her in. They used to be big in spying, but they were forced to abandon this strategy since they weren't that wonderful on the intelligence thingy. Last time they tried they really did their best, but they were simply unlucky when they mistook the exhaust pipes from a car for a nuclear device from Bin Laden.

Other important surveillance methods include using a large roll of string and tying the end to the back belt loop of your trousers. As you proceed through your daily routine, the string unwinds, demarcating your path and making it clear exactly where you've been. Trained CIA agents are then able to proceed from the location of the roll of string and retrace your steps. This surveillance method is not easily thwarted, however some have reported success weaving through traffic, which tangles the string and requires the agent to pick out all the knots.