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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cake.

Bill Gates invented cake, although conspiracy theorists allege it was created by the Romans to supplant pie as the greatest baked pastry, a title which it currently holds. It's a sugary googy substance, and does not posess any magical powers, although the Freemasons and Illumanti believe it does.

Cake has a boiling point of 300 degrees kelvin, at which point it becomes highly volatile. Some blame cake for the death of Elvis (not to be confused with Elvis or chickens).

Made from dead babies that have been stolen from hospitals and put into meat grinders. Also, cake is not better than pie. And pie is better than cake. Most pieists believe this is not a lie, and banish all who blaspheme in this way into the Lake of Eternal Cake and All Other Sugary Foods where they will rot in sugary disgustingness. Most cakeists, however, say pieists smell. Thus, cakeists quite obviously are the lesser beast, as the stench of any confection made from the flesh of dead babies has produced a foulness of their olfactory device.

In the Latin language, cake is called Placenta ( ha ha ).

There has been much debate in recent years about the nature of what makes a cake when compared to its poorer cousin the biscuit or even worse, the scone. After many years of argument and a series of events which became known as The Wars of Cake or Possibly Biscuit and Maybe Scone the argument was settled at a war conference in Antarctica and a regulatory body United Nations Cake and Biscuit Regulation Authority established to decide whether a substance was cake, biscuit, scone, or other.

Recent controversial decisions include the classifying of the so-called Jaffa Cakes as a biscuit. This controversial decision was the decisive factor in the invasion of Pakistan ( once a cake country but now they just eat broccoli ) by Norway ( a majority biscuit and scone country ).


Yellow cake[edit]

Yellowcake's secret ingredients include uranium and fluorine

Yellowcake is a delicacy invented in 1944 in Chalk River; the secret recipe is based on preparing the batter with an extra dash of uranium and serving it piping radioactively hot. Also, a dash of chocolate will be added, 'cause I LIKE CHOCOLATE ( and so does the dancing fat kid above )!!!!!!!!

Served with a Yellowknife, it is far more expensive than most other cakes in the bakers' shop but rich, tasty and well worth the price.

Traditionally it has to be consumed with great haste, as it is also a catastrophically sexy explosive, and Yellow Cake blasts have been recorded in excess of 57.24765723764 gigawatts in force.

Cake: The Word[edit]

The word "cake" is an amazing and quite versatile word, often overlooked for more obviously versatile words/phrases such as Fuck, Your Face, Your Mom and Harder. However, "cake" can not only enhance any insult, but can also become a fabulous and positive descriptive word.

Positive uses of the word "cake" include: "Yay, it is cake-time," "I love the cakiness of your dress," "You are just a cake of loveliness today," and "My, what a big cake you have." However, sometimes not all cake is good. Often times a "bad-cake" can slip into the conversation somewhere.

Negative and insulting phrases utilizing the word "cake" include: "Shut up, you smelly-butt-cake," "You look like a crusty-butt-cake," "Your just a silly-homo-cake," "Hello, stupid-cake," "What is that thing on you neck? Oh, that is your face-cake," and the all time favorite: "Fuck-cake you," ( popular for the word "fuck" and "cake" in the same sentence ). Often phrases such as these, give cake a bad name, but never fear, cake is still wonderful, despite the evil it can do.

It is quite obvious, just from these few examples what a wonderful word "cake" can be. And, if this has not persuaded you, then perhaps you rely too much on fact and data for your information. Try weighing things by truthiness. I can feel the truthiness of the cake. Can you?

making love to a cake[edit]

Many people find it is a piece of cake to bake a cake that is moderately pretty. Only if the directions and methods are hazy. If they are Indeed hazy, the baker( s ) will have to work hard and try not to be lazy. It is nessessary that the recipe for baking said cake is not one of the "messy" recipes that you will find on the internet. The resulting cake has the potential to be crazy. However, if you proceed with a normal recipe and follow the directions given in the cook book you are using, You will result in a cake. The bakers will have to make it great. Because they are greatly aware that I love cake. The moment for baking a cake has arived recently.Then the cake the pie lived happliy ever after, well until the elmo incident.

Cake In Popular Religion[edit]

Cake is the religious equivalent to Satan when it's mentioned in the religion of Pieism, which can be read about at the Pieism website

Cakeism- political movement[edit]

The cake movement has been widely regarded as one of the most prolific political movements throut the history of east anglia. Many people compared it to the Great Bowel Movement ( GBM ) in the way it got people to get up and go.

Cake, The Band[edit]

cake in all their delusional glory!

Cake is a band dedicated to cakeism. They troll the planet in search of the non belivers and will play Adult ( Porn ) - Alternative Music into your ear. Once it reaches your ear all hope is lost, Give up, throw in the towel...your done. Cake; The Band, Was invented in 1952 by Loyyd Banks as a publicity stunt to attract attention away from the pie inncodent. John McCrea, Lead singer for cake said in a interview for CNN; "If I had to do it again, Id fuck that sheep 3 ways to sunday. Cake had a few hits, such as "Going the distance" Which is a song about fucking some girl. Other hits like Sheep go to heaven, blacks go to court, and who can forget Hem of your garment ( molestation mix ), which was featured in the 2000 Movie, ME, MYSELF, and IRENE starring Jim Carey.

Cake has lost alot of members to Grues. The current band consists of a drunkard, a sex offender, a man who cant spell, and John McCrea.


  • John McCrea ( Vocals, Sodomizer )
  • Vince DiFiore ( he plays the trumpet and the meat flute )
  • Xan McCurdy ( guitar and looks good doing it )
  • Gabe Nelson ( He is a bassist, he left and came back )

Cake's Albums

  • Motorcade of Assasination ( 1994 )
  • Prolonging the sodomy ( 1998 )
  • Comfortably Spread-Eagle ( 2001 )
  • Anal Pressure Chief ( 2004 )

Cake, The Drug[edit]

Powerfull drug, effects the area in the brain called shanters basson.

Causes takers to feel like a hour takes up to a day.

It is a made up drug.

See Also[edit]