California

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about California.


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A state of the United States of Dæmonica

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People's Republic of California (pronounced Kuhl-ee-Forn-y-ah! by septuagenarian Austrian governators and "Cal-ee-forn-I-yay" by natives; full name: Bundesrepublik Kaliforniens) is a large island located off the Western United States of America. Its official state song is California Love by Tupac Shakur (ratified in 1999, replacing the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Californication). California has only one puppet state since 1991 independence Fresh Principality of Bel-Air.

It is important to note the difference between Northern and Southern California. North California is inhabited mostly by hippies, nerds, lumberjacks, bureaucrats and Arnold Schwarzenegger. SoCal, on the other hand, is occupied mostly by surfers, actors, pornstars, skanks, lawyers, illegal immigrants and a layer of smog so dense that it is classified by the USGS as a separate landmass.

California is a Communist dictatorship run by the Governator. The dictatorship is savagely ruled by an Austrian muscle doughboy, who has harsh blood tax and has decided to make Saturday an extra mud harvest day--most of the movies from Hollywood they find in amongst the crap (pardon my French) from the 1970s. John Connor is dead and the state is currently populated by an evil legion of liberal gay liquid metal robots with glowing red eyes who eat the flesh of Christian babies.

Stirring into the the mix of chaos, the state is frequented with many natural disasters such as earthquakes, wildfires, floods, mudslides, rainbows, freeways, killer bees, rising sea levels, smack, crack, paparazzi, Paris Hilton's hungry man-eating holes, and disgruntled drug induced ex-movie producers armed with tanks. If you ever find yourself in California the best thing to do is pray to God and run like hell.

California may break into two, maybe 3 or even 4 new states. The "SouCal" people have a beef with the stuck-up "NoCal." folk. Often you have Los Angeles and San Francisco residents look down or poke fun at each other. The two halves would meet in a pissing contest to see who can aim the highest...and none of them can.

At times the two halves admit to share a hatred of the East coast (i.e. San Diego or Santa Cruz), the Midwest (i.e. Central Valley from Chico to Tulare), the "South" (i.e. Stockton or Bakersfield), the Northwest (i.e. Eureka or Redding close to Oregon) and the Southwest (i.e. Palm Springs or the Mojave Desert close to Arizona).

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