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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cancer.

I am one; I was born on July 6th

~ Phyllis Hyman on astrology


This article is the only known substance not shown to cause cancer in the state of California.

What can I get started for you?[edit]

Add Guacamole for only $1.00 more.

Cigarettes -A rich blend of our finest low tar smokes, slowly hand rolled and served with lighter, matches, or preferred ignition... 11

Radiation -24,000 Grays of Our finest X-rays... 12

Made from our finest beavers!

Chewing Tobacco -Delicious dipping tobacco flavored with rum, whisky, or wild cherry... 8

The movie.

Snuff -Snortfully dry spicy cool tobacco, flavored with wasabi-ranch dressing... 6

Flavored with GHB.


Ha! Jesus can not get cancer!

-Gravy thick 80 proof spirits chilled and ready to break even the toughest blood to brain barrier... 10

No Substitutions!

Choices for a Healthy Lifestyle[edit]

Crab and Asbestos Thursday Special only $24.99

Crab Legs & Asbestos served with steamed fresh veggies and black beans... 31

You'll love our fresh cow.

Flame Grilled Ribeye topped with DDT, garlic butter, and roasted herb jus… 24

Hot off the grill.

Full Rack of St. Louis Baby Back Ribs “double-basted” w/Benzene sauce… 18

Get your hands wet and cancery.

Marinated Chicken Sarcoma with applewood smoked bacon, cheese, and tomatoes… 16

Cancer is the place for your next birthday party.

Madame Curie’s Alpha Particle Cajun Pasta with seasoned tomatoes, parmesan cheese, and garlic toast… 14

Served while still angry with cancer.

Country-Fried Aspergillus Steak with mashed potatoes and country black gravy… 22

Best balls you've ever tasted.

Uncle Sam’s Agent Orange Vietnamese Chicken Balls with pine nut sauce… 17

Hot Steaming Weiners!

Times Beach Surf & Turf with Dioxin dipping sauce... 22

Don't leave without a treat!

Tasty Treats[edit]

Made with real cancer goodness.

Three Mile Island Paradise Pie with chocolate chips, walnuts, and coconut... 7

Warning! Snakes do not cause cancer.

Banana Rattler Delight served with two poisony fangs... 9


LOL you have cancer you're going to die in 12 days. lol pwned


It also helps if your starsign is Cancer.