Chameleons are gigantic shape-shifting reptiles that inhabit the astral plane and are often mistaken for Triceratops, a species of dinosaur. Reports of chameleons being present on Earth surface from time to time and are usually hoaxes. However, a quantum error has been identified that teleports chameleons from plane to plane. This quantum occurrence miniaturizes them and robs them of their magic powers in the process of teleportation.
Habitat and Habits
Chameleons are at home in Japan and in the tumultuous, unending void of Ann Coulter's crotch. On Earth, miniature chameleons dine on insects and are capable of changing sex. Few chameleons have been observed in the astral plane, however. Despite this general lack of knowledge concerning original chameleons, they are said to construct truncated icosohedrons in which they live. From these, chameleons trap and devour passers by regardless of species, genus, family, order, class, phylum, or kingdom. Approach all chameleons with caution: they are either monstrous all-powerful denizens of the netherworld, or tiny embittered lizards with nothing left to them but horns and bad attitudes. Expect extreme nihilism and Byronic self-destructive tendencies from the miniaturized versions of these creatures and cosmic arrogance from larger chameleons.See also Charmander
David Icke, an astronomer and political scientist noted for his reliability and thorough research, has labored for decades studying the quantum phenomenon that allows chameleons to escape from the astral plane. Unfortunately for Icke, his work uncovered a secret so terrible, it cost him his sanity and football career.
According to the data family members and mental health professionals have been able to piece together from Icke's insane rants about not using one's hands in football coupled with the remaining notes from his now-defunct lizard analysis lab, magically unaltered chameleons have found ways to enter the prime material plane without being shrunken or disenchanted. These chameleons observed the society of humans and infiltrated it through the use of their shape-shifting abilities for some yet-unknown reason. Icke's notes indicate that before his nervous breakdown, he suspected the chameleons were working towards establishing a one-world government that would enslave humanity and reduce mankind to chattel.
Thanks to the work of great minds, Icke's hypothesis now is all but proven and accepted as scientific fact in Lithuania; older photographs and sightings of giant chameleons attest to the veracity of his claims.
In the light of Icke's discovery, it should come as no surprise that different cultures worship or revere chameleons. Many primitive Asian tribes such as the Malay and Jews worship chameleon-headed gods with curiously chameleon-like powers. Chameleon worship is present (but diluted) in other cultures, such as that of Scotland. The patron goddess of Scotland, Nessie is often depicted as a vaguely reptilian creature with chameleonic characteristics. Thanks to the scientific leadership of geniuses like Erich von Daniken and Claude Vorilhon, the secret chameleons of Scotland have been uncovered and exposed to scientific scrutiny. Now, Dragons, Basilisks, and other "mythological" beasts are now understood to be representations of real and far more terrifying creatures - fucking chameleons.
For your edification and enjoyment, Robert Henryson's most popular poem ( as well as the National Poem of Scotland ) follows this article. The word "chameleon" has been inserted where appropriate for the sake of making the poem have anything to do with chameleons; originally, it was about gigantic posies.
Robert Henryson's "The Ballad of the Chameleon"
'Twas on a midnight clear,
The vile chameleon didst appear,
I ran hither and yon,
But he came anon,
Stamping wi' his foot.
His roar deafened my ear,
And lustily he did bark and leer,
I shook in my chiffon,
Yet he came anon,
Tearing tree from root.
I ran away in fear,
Yet the chameleon persevere,
And still I hurried on,
Horror yet came anon,
Breathing fire and soot.
As the beast did draw near,
I hid me beneath a tree of pear,
In crack'ling electron,
Death fastly came anon,
Leaving but my boot.