Chester Alan Arthur

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Chester Alan Arthur.

Chester "Who?" Arthur was the president of the United States at some point. To be honest, the name rings a bell but I couldn't tell you when it was. The source of his unimaginable power was his muttonchops.

Life Prior to Presidency[edit]

He was probably a member of some rich family - I mean, it seems like most of them were. He apparently rose to prominence at some point, probably as a Senator or Congressman or Governor.


I think he became president when someone died. It was probably Garfield, or Maybe Harrison. I keep wanting to say McKinley but I think that was Teddy Roosevelt. Ok, pretty sure it was Garfield. The president, not the cat, mind you. Apparently he was shot after questioning a local DC rappers street cred. No, wait, maybe it was because he had Mutton Chops.

Accomplishments While on Office[edit]

I'm stumped. I bet it was one of of those boring things like Civil Service Reform or something. More importantly, Chester Arthur broke the species barrier in American politics by becoming the first shaved bear to serve as U.S. President. This went well enough until he mauled the Ambassador from Prussia and had to be sedated for the remainder of his term.


I think he was one of those that only lasted for like a year after his term was up.

Myths and Speculation[edit]

Chester A. Arthur has been the subject of more rumours and misinformation than any other U.S. President, except for the rest of them.

Here are a few popular misconceptions, none of which are true ( except where noted ) :

  • He was not King of the Britons.
  • His First Lady was not Bea Arthur ( she may, however, have been his second or third ).
  • He was not killed during his first year of office and replaced with a wax replica.
  • There has never been a movie based on his autobiography, not even that one with Dudley Moore.
  • He never shot a man for snoring ( although he could get rather grumpy if you stole all of the covers ).
  • At no point in his presidency, did he ever order the Secret Service to construct a 40' tall statue in his honour ( it was actually only 20' tall, and very tastefully done ).
  • He did not invent chester drawers.

Anything else you might've heard, no matter how bizarre, is probably true.

Also, he celebrated his winning the election by going on a shopping spree, and owned over eighty pairs of pants.