Chewbacca

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Chewbacca.
Chewbacca, also known as "Jewbacca".

Chewbacca Smith, also known as Jewbacca's Shi't, born by Wookie Goldberg in around 235 years time, is the younger brother of the renowned comedian Jerry Seinfeld and the eldest son of Bob Dylan and Adolf Hitler's red-headed step child. Maybe even related to Chewybocco and Chewboccio. He gained instant fame when he managed to catch a greased pig, ride it all the way to Paris and make a time machine which he named "the Eiffel Tower." He then rode his greased pig to India, lent it to the current Maharaja, Mahatma Ghandi, and ran a marathon all the way to Florida where he saved a bumpkin from an aligator, robbed a bank and kicked a turkey. Not the Possum that some have thought to have previously thought.

This last offense made him a wanted fnord man in America as it was the national bird of the country at that time. The national bird has since been changed to the mighty duck. Chewbacca then walked backwards all the way to Russia where he invented Stalingrad, burnt toast, and of couse, Walmart. Chewbacca was at one time the most notorious murderer in the world. On November 22, 1963, in a fit of rage, Chewbacca swooped down and shot John F Kennedy in the face 40 times at point blank range and well as kicking that other guy who died. When the police finally corned Jewbacca in a dark alley in western Oklahoma, he beat them all senseless with a large blunt object. He persuaded the authorities to frame an innocent Mentally Challenged man named Lee Harvey Oswald, allowing Jewbacca to run free with his kin

There have been reports of some people claiming that Chewbacca ate their balls, so be careful out there should you encouter Chewbacca. Han Solo seems to be Chewbacca's partner in crime, and part of some Gay Marriage, who helps Chewbacca to eat someone's balls.They were last spotted in Yellowstone National Park, where a troop of Boy Scouts have been reported missing for eight days.

Chewbacca has become a popular model for Head and Shoulders

Wealth[edit]

As his religion demands, Jewbacca is an extremely wealthy jewelry and media tycoon. He owns at least three yachts, or at least only three have been cleared by the Department of Transportation. If he has more, he hasn't told anyone about them yet.

However he has told people of his plans to mate all three yachts into one superyacht and cruse the worlds in style he plans to have this project done somewhere in 2009 but is not certain because no one seem to know when yachts go into heat but that aside he is sure that he will figure it out and get back on track. once he has finished the superyacht it will be featured on MTV cribs, and due to the extreme anticipation of that episode Nick the Hobo will be apearing as a guest star.

When completed the superyacht will take up the entire mediterranian sea and will still only wheigh half as mutch a Rosie O'donnell it will ionclude one 2400sq ft living room 20 bedrooms and 303 bathrooms placed at three foot intervals for those sudden emergencies and parties that include "special" brownies, the combined waterflow of all 303 toilets flushing at the same time would be enought to flood the entire town of new orleans again. the yacht will be comletley powered by green energy gathered from 30,000 geneticaly engeneered hamsters running on exersise wheels 24/7 when in flight the yacht can reach speeds up to 14,000,000,000,000 light years a second needless to say it's super speed lets you party on many worlds in a short space of time. though the use of sutch powers is not condoned by the vatican who claim that sutch speed can only be obtained by god jewbacca doesnt seem to mind probably because he is a jew.

Big Feet[edit]

Chewbacca goes camping on vacation.

He is currently living in the American woodlands living under the alias of "Big Foot"; concurrently studying alongside Rabbi Pedro. He had to escape because he was kicked off his planet for telling small children to assassinate the president. Every year during the last 2 weeks of June people across the world celebrate Hidden Chewbacca Day where they exchange media-related gift items such as Speed Racer tapes. Unfortunately, everyone who even dared to lay eyes on the Speed Racer tapes were cursed to die in seven days unless they could find seven people in six days, in five different countries to preform the peter-panda dance for them. But that is a story for another time.

There are reports of a romantic involvement between Chewbacca and Chuck Norris' Beard, unfortunatly all the photographers who claim to have pictures of the two together have died suddenly from stubble rash complications after mysterious roundhouse kick related injuries... to the head.

Other Information[edit]

  • Big Foot is an outlawed beast who can be found either dancing on badmington courts or caressing his pet coymin.
  • Chewbacca earns his nickname from a very famous Argentinian letter ( QW ), this letter sounds a little like "Doohh!"
  • Chewbacca was played in the Star Wars films by George Lucas's daughter, in order to avoid the immense costs associated with creating a suit for somebody else.

Darth Vader's Successor[edit]

Taken the name "Chewbacca Smith, Jewbacca assumed rule of the Sith in 2002. He has given his condolences to his predecessor, Darth Vader, upon hearing that he died on February 8, 2007.

Starwarspope.jpg

Chewbacca is notorious for his gurgly growl, proven in some independent studies to drive perfectly sane chimpanzees out of their minds (though most of those monkeys were blind and on drugs as well as being HOLLLLLLAAAA. Chewbacca has been made into a 2-foot tall Pez dispenser ( retail price approx. $20 ) but because of his wookie powers, the Pez which the machine dispenses are regular-size. Chewbacca makes it happen.

Jewbacca has also just emerged from a long term relationship with Manbearpig, following a heated divorce. Manbearpig was coincidentally recently slain by the valiant Sir Al Gore.

Some people, especially South-european, think that Chewbacca is a Jedi. It's no real, because Chuby is a Yeti.

See also[edit]