Chimay Blue

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GOVERNMENT WARNING: According to the Surgeon General, the use of wine impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.

Chimay Blue is a beer that in fact, isn't blue at all. Rather it has that distinct beer color, or 'bier' if you are one of the twenty people who speak Belgian. Chimay Blue has been traditionally, illegally brewed by Trappist Monkeys for centuries. Unlike most lagers Chimay Blue is an Ale.

Being a quality, expensive beer, you will find that only wankers will choose to purchase Chimay at the bar. However, you do not need to physically be masturbating to drink Chimay, rather this would just hinder taking a Chimay enema, which is the preferred method of consumption for this beer. If you choose to 'bend the elbow' and drink from a glass, or the bottle you will have chosen an unorthodox method of consumption, you should consult a doctor to stop you from making such a rookie mistake. Once the Chimay enema is taken, the drinker becomes refreshed, not because he has urinated in excitement, but because his anus is now filled with liquid gold, Chimay Blue.

Chimay Blue has been described in some texts as "Liquid Gold" It is a fallacy, however, that Chimay blue will solidify in the Gastro Intestinal tract and make you ill. If that were to happen, the drinker would probably die a fatal death.

When to Drink[edit]

The beer is very versatile, in the way that Chimay Blue is able to be drunk in the following manners:

  • Clothed or unclothed
  • Abstaining or during intercourse
  • Whilst watching a mule eat an apple
  • While pondering the existence of plasma

With these abilities, Chimay Blue has become one of the most pondered beers of the post 1890 depression period. You may say that Chimay Blue brought people closer to reverse-depression. This may or may not be due to the fact that beer is a liquid. Liquid is often referred to as water but curiously enough, other liquids exist. Beer is one of them. In fact the very article you are reading is about a beer, or bier, Chimay Blue.

Beer in Belgium is called Bier, and Chimay Blue would be 'Chimay Bleue', this is because of most Belgian's fetish for the letter 'e' to precede the letter 'u' This fetish is well documented and well unsourced.

Alcohol Content[edit]

Chimay Blue has a high "going to get pissed" ratio. This means that if you drink a bottle of Chimay Blue, you should, by law, act and feel more drunk than if you'd had drunk less than a cask of wine. Chimay Blue controversially, is not served in a cask but rather a bottle. The label, ironically to some, is Blue. The irony of the label may be labeled 'Morrisettian Irony' because in fact, the fact that the label is blue is not ironic at all.


On the palette, Chimay Blue stacks in piles of about 4 crates high and 4 wide.

The mouthfeel is often wet and not unusually bitter, though a pine nut is less bitter. Emperor Penguins and Black Cats would probably not enjoy Chimay Blue but for different reasons. All noted Chimays are blue. This page is a non blue non raven, which, you have more than likely read, at least once.