Cholesterol

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cholesterol.

Cholesterol is a popular Scottish snack. Usually imbibed with a healthy portion of babies. And kittens.

Ever since the olden days of 1987, Americans have been concerned with Cholesterol. Immediately after the Scientologist Atkins discovered the terroristic fat, America has waged a heavy war on Cholesterol. Unfortunately, armed only with nutrition labels and Slim Fast, the nation quickly lost the war, wasting what precious little time they had on reading the labels on the backs of water bottles.

As of early 2005, America has lost the war on Cholesterol, and the documentary Supersize Me highlighted the main events of the war on glutonistic terrorism. Now over half of the nation is overweight, where only select few can have war surgeons perform bypass surgeries. The nation known as America has lost the war and, as such, owes South Africa and Sally Struthers two thousand deep-fried Mars Bars.