Christianism

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Wikipedia doesn't have a proper article about Christianism. It really wouldn't help those so-called-experts by writing one either.


Christianism is a contagious disease of the minor pancreas, not to be confused with Christianity (a disease of the major pancreas). The afflicted lose all ability to think rationally, use common sense, and in extreme cases, half their IQ.

About[edit]

The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master. Besides fostering drunken behavior at cheap weddings by turning water into wine, his resume lists the ability to remove evil forces present in human souls present because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple from a magical tree...

Symptoms[edit]

Patients may present several or all of the following symptoms:

  • Loss of musical taste, accompanied by delusions that lighthearted, repetitive feel-good music is rock-n-roll
  • Increased paranoia accompanied by delusions of a Satan-Catholic Church conspiracy
  • Conviction that their TV is going to devour them at night (Researchers claim that the movies Poltergeist I & II are responsible for this, and that the fear they caused extends far beyond any single religion. Researchers also admitted to encasing their televisions in cement blocks at night.)
  • Sudden bursts of singing songs that talk about some Puerto Rican guy named Jesús
  • Hallucinations that consist of seeing their money transform into creeping centipedes, and that the only way to get rid of them is shoving them up the asses of the poor and ungodful (they call it charity)
  • Allergy to printed paper except to the pages of one book, Ethel the Aardvark, as it is the only book they can read. Christians believe it contains the celebrated answer to Life, the Universe and everything. They seriously believe that if Ethel the Aardvark did not say so, it doesn't exist
  • Chronic masturbation
  • A craving to infect the whole world with their condition.

Transmission[edit]

This disease can be transmitted...

  • By receiving infected food and drink brought by them. Many people from poor communities are infected this way, specially in third world countries like Texas.
  • By receiving a transfusion of their blood, which is pink with yellow polka-dots.
  • By auditory means, aka hearing the noises that emit from their mouths when they are on podiums.
  • Sexually. I think. I am not sure. Well, nobody knows.
  • When they get you after they come in hordes tearing up your hometown and screaming for your brains.
  • By being bitten by a radioactive asshole.
  • 14 gibbons

Facts[edit]

  • Christianism sucks.
  • In Soviet Russia, Christianism worships YOU!!
  • Christianists believe in Dog.