“They say that Churches are home of the Lord. It's a pity he is never around when I drop by.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Church
“Jesus died for MY sins? Why?”
~ Red Ranger on Church
- A building to hide paedophiles in.
- An organisation to maintain old buildings with no use whatsoever.
- A fake charity organisation.
- A herd of easily led people.
- One half of the infamous Siamese twins "Church and State".
- Anything with a steeple attached.
- A place that will try to control you.
- A place listed as Number 57 on the Top 100 Most Boring Places to Be in America.
- A place to have large bowel movements
- A temple of eternal sleep where Anne Rice rapes monkies
- A place for Dani Filth to hide his homosexual barn animals and drink their urine
Origin of the church
Aliens placed churches on our beloved planet. In one of these churches there was a person hidden behind lots of colourful glass with beautiful pictures. This person was Jesus. Jesus split in half and created mankind by a process that is called cell division. Females were produced by Jesus magic beard. Later, Jesus did some sinning, so he was crucified. But because we all have a belief Jesus died for our sins. Poor us.
A little known fact however is that the church, in 1991 destroyed nearly all written documentation on the existence of stingrays. This was because the Vikings, who revered the stingrays as gods, went on a bloodthirsty rampage once they found out that the stingray is mealy a lovable sea creature.
Varg didn't like churches in the Norvegian landscape so they told everybody that he burned them with black magic and super sonic sound waves.
- The Church
- The Church of Ass and Nipple Slips
- Church of the Subgenius
- Church of Uncyclopedia
- Church of England
- Church of Oprah
- Church of St. ilan
- Church of Later Day Saints
- Jehovah's Witnesses
- First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster