Clitoris

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It's just like playing NES, with a little blowing and wiggling you're bound to hit the sweet spot sooner or later..

~ Oscar Wilde on Clitoris

Clitoris was an ancient Greek's God of fun. According to the old saying: "Look for it wherever you want, but you won't find it." In modern times a serious and profound search was done, and clitoris was finally found by a small group of scientists on the Olympos mountain. The leader of the group, Jane Niccols told the press: "When my men found it, they spent 3 days by studying it. It was great!"

The plural of clitoris is clitori, the collective noun is a "snatch" of clitori.

Great devotion to this god causes according to the old chronicles great tongue-ache.

Carlow Laois Institute of Education, a.k.a. C.L.I.T. was the ancient den of sexual education dedicated to the Irish High Priestess 'Medb', on the fair isle of Hibernia. Entrance examinations to the school was rumoured to have been particularly difficult, and pupils were only admitted following rigourous, continuous and seemingly tireless attention to what was known the as "Bealach an Blath Bandearg".

A photograph of a statue of Clitoris {550 b.c.} from Thessalonniki, Greece, now in New York's museum of Art

History[edit]

  • Before 1992: The clitoris was only a myth, a story told at bedtime to little girls to give them hope, and to adolescent boys to keep them awake at night. Since time immemorial, women have nagged on about it, and brave men have died trying to find it.
  • 1992: The first clitoris is created in Alabama High School For the Bright and Upcoming Young Children within the 91st District. It consists of Bob Hoven, Joost Tijsen, Daniel Lerma, Helms Gorgina, and Frother Ulanda, who would later become leading pioneers of the clitoris. This group, at its peak, involves over nine thousand people. Today, it is a community service group that focuses on drug abuse awareness.
  • 1993: Clitorises spread like wildfire. Louisiana, Maryland, and Canada high schools adopt clitorises.
  • 1995: The hit movie Oh My God, My Clitoris is on Fire released. Although it does poorly at the box office, it develops a cult following.
  • 1996: The sequel Oh My God, My Clitoris is Crumbling to the movie Oh My God, My Clitoris is On Fire is released. Widely considered a failure, VHS versions of the movies were burnt on a weekly basis in clitorises around the country in an act of irony, although clitoris historians to this day argue amongst each other if it indeed was irony.
  • 1999: The first Clitoris Party is created in Alabama. They field their first candidate, Helms Gorgina, an enthusiastic and charismatic young individual and a lover of cats.
  • 2001: Clitorises around the country celebrate the true millennium.
  • 2002: Clit-hating begins. The public is turned off by the clitoris related violence. Clitoris turnout at an all-time low since 1994.
  • 2004: At UC Santa Cruz, the Women's Studies department attempted to change their name to a hierographic of a clitoris giving you the middle finger. "As far as we're concerned, every letter in the entire English language is another euphemism for a penis."
  • 2005: Clitorises begin an aggressive marketing campaign aimed at young adults, especially on college campuses.

The Alabama Clit[edit]

The Alabama Clit was born in 1991 among the watchful eyes of eager highschool students. Doubters said it couldn't be done, but these youngsters really showed them.

The Alabama Clit is on display in Auburn, Alabama at the Museum of Southern Clits on West Gay Street near the heart of Auburn.

Uses of the Clitoris[edit]

The clitoris has no known practical use or application apart from generating intense pleasure in its owner, who is without exception female. This fact has been a source of intense irritation to males down the ages, who have thought it extremely unfair, as they possess no equivalent organ ( except for the penis ) and they don't damn well see why women should have all the fun. Out of envy and spite, female circumcision ( clitoridectomy: surgical removal of the clitoris ) has been widely practised by primitive tribes and some not so primitive societies. However, the ensuing clitoral transplants ( into males ) have not so far been successful, possibly for neurological reasons. This is a subject of continuing research, and clitoris donors are in much demand.

So far as anybody can tell, paying constant attention to the clitoris during foreplay and copulation is the only way to keep the woman, clitoris and, thus the vagina in [Fuck|coitus]] until the completion of the conjugal act.

The clitoris is often used in female masturbation. In fact this is its main use throughout the western world. In developing countries peanut butter, bananas, or powdered clitoris extract can be substituted.

Origins[edit]

It is widely accepted that the clitoris is made from excess belly-button skin. Ergo, the larger the navel, the smaller the clitoris. This is a clinically documented and proven fact.

Examples of Clitorises[edit]

  • SADD.
  • The Alabama Clit.
  • Kappa Alpha Beta Clit, as mentioned above.
  • Clit, or How I Came to Love Hamsters as One of Us.
  • Tilc: a post-modernist clit forwarding the cause of trisexuality among male adults, ages 41–52.
  • NSA ( Notary Clit Association ).
  • My Clit: a radical extremist clit aimed at promoting humanism and individualism. Optimistic and very dangerous.
  • Campaign for the Liberation of Intelligent Terrestrial Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society or CLITORIS for short
  • Jessica Simpson
  • Lost Clit Network of America



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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Clitoris.