“Oh fuck! It's the Coca-cola duck!”
The Coca-cola Duck was a marketing campaign lead by drinks manufacturer Coca-cola to promote its main and rather unimaginatively named product "Coca-cola".
The Coca-cola Duck was first introduced in the 1980s for a television campaign. A typical advert synopsis followed one or several dudes in need of refreshment. Suddenly the Coca-cola Duck would appear, carrying with it a supply of Coca-cola and other amphetamines, much to the delight of the parched protagonists. The advert would close on the Coca-cola Duck, one wing clutching a bottle of coke, the other extended in a feathery thumbs up, accompanied by the Coca-cola Duck's catchphrase: "Quack!"
Although never officially explained, every can of Coca-cola manufactured between 1954 and 1989 featured a duck logo on the back, right beside the list of ingredients (sugar and water).
Although never used in the adverts, the phrase "Oh fuck! It's the Coca-cola Duck" became common throughout Europe, North America and areas of the moon. The association with fucking, now illegal in most parts of the world, brought comdemnation from parents, conservatives and other wankers. In 1993, a bombing campaign using the "Freedom Duck" as a logo, which bore a striking resemblance to the Coca-cola Duck, led to unsavoury links with terrorism.
By 1984, it was becoming clear that the surge in the number of youths drinking Coca-cola (due, mainly, to the successful Coca-cola Duck campaign) had led to unprecedented levels of tooth decay. Dentists criticised the use of the duck mascot as ducks are by nature toothless and so are unconcerned by plaque, decay and lining the pockets of dentists by paying through the nose for such services as teeth cleaning, tooth whitening, getting their teeth counted, being told off for not using floss, and getting their mouths stuffed full of cotton wool. However, their attempts to lobby Coca-cola to change their mascot into a toothed creature, who fatefully brushed with medicated toothpaste after every can and regularly visited a private dentist, were unsuccessful.
These factors contributed to the discontinuation of the Coca-cola Duck campaign in 1996.
Current advertising campaigns
Almost all traces and records of the Coca-Cola duck have been lost in space. However it is believed that some new generation corporate fiends from the Coca-Cola company unearthed some of the ancient artifacts from deep within the sugary confines of Coca-Cola HQ and used them in advertising a newer product - 'Oasis'. The TV advertisement for the 'Oasis' soft drink features a giant rubber duck going by the alias 'Rubberduckzilla' which destroyed cities. This caused uproar in the academic world amongst historians who majored in the history of Coca-Cola duck campaign.
There is some evidence that the "quack", now taken to be a duck's call, has its origins with the Coca-cola Duck, much in the same way as Santa Claus' red and white livery is an invention of Coca-Cola branding. The proliferation of "quack" into general use is partly attributed to the fact that the actual noise made by a duck, much like the colour of Santa's lingerie, cannot easily be verified. This is because a duck's "wark" (as is was known before 1985) has no echo, and so cannot be recorded, making analysis difficult.