From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Confucius, pondering if he got your shrimp and fried rice order correct...or was it General Tsos with vegetables? Damn! Confucius no remember!
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Confucius.

Confucius (although some scientists, based on his diary entries, have compiled the name Confucius Pan Ning Tam Ming Yam Hing Lan Keng Nao Meng Ceng Hing Ming Nam Ging Fao Sao-Sao Fam Sao San Feng Seng Neng) born King Kong, was a famous philosopher born in the city of Fuk Qyoo (pronounced faa-rck kwoo in Swiss-Cambodian dialect) in Shandeigh Province, in what is now the People's Republic of China and whose teachings afflicted the entire world. His teachings were spread to China sometime around the Meiji era, and have greatly affected the ethics of Taiwan, otherwise known as the Wal-Mart's Republic of China.

He is the Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Greater-Greatest-Grand Father of all Chinese with the surname Kong. You can tell what generation the person is by their Middle name. eg: Kong Xian Lin is a generation above Kong Qing Lin, so Kong Qing Lin will call Kong Xian Lin Auntie, even if Kong Qing Lin is older then Kong Xian Lin. The use of the middle name to identify generations is why China is called 中国 or the "Middle Kingdom".

The order of the generations is in a set of five blocks of five names. After 26 generations, repeat. 宏闻贞尚衍, 兴毓传纪广, 昭宪庆繁祥, 令德维垂佑, Waang, Hong, Wen, Zhen, Shang, Yan, Xing, Liu, Chuan, Ji, Guang, Zhao, Xian, Qing, Fan, Xiang, Ling, De, Wei, Chui, You, Yin, Shao, Nian, Xian, Yang, Bob

He has a moustache.

The Name[edit]

Contrary to popular belief, Confucius isn't his correct name. Due to differences in naming practices in the east and west, Confucius is actually called "William Hung" in oriental countries, though sometimes they called him Uncle Jorge. The term, Confucianism is not related to Confucius in any way, but rather due to the confusing nature of Confucianism, a martial arts more commonly known as "Kungfucianism". His philosophy was based around people having sex and eating at the same time. Though this was though to be impossible, Confucius somehow demonstrated this act to his people and people around the world are eating and having sex at the same time. As you can see from this picture “To eat is sex” is one of the examples of how to live the Confucius life. Many believe that he is most responsible for being the first ping-pong player to put women in their god damn place.


Confucius was born in Confuciustan. He was born in the Year of the Elephant, as is apparently required of all folks who dream up religions. He was born under the household of Kaswaki Kambaba and Jhon. Confucuis invented a lot of things one of them being porn. the rest of china were amazed at what confucuis had invented and created there own. This became a religon called Confucionism. it involved watching and making porn at least twice a day. This tradition has been passed from chinese father to chinese son till this very day. unfortunatly only cantanese (cantalope for all those who are sane) chinese people follow to this religon, it's cantanese 100% confucionisms and mandarin (mandarine) people 0% cunfucionisms. so help the cause and become a confucionist today (or if you watch porn).


While Confucius may have been a huge porn addicted Media, his descendants aren't necessarily so...

  • Kong Xian Lei - 87th generation.
  • ing Kong - 171th generation. He is a world famous gorilla, made famous by media exploitation.
  • Kim Jong-il - 777th generation. He is the ruler of North Korea, South Korea, Iraq, Burma, and China. One of the many reasons people worship him is because he is a descendant of Confucius.