Conservatives

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Not unlike a vampire, a conservative will drink blood, however conservatives only come out during the day, and are therefore hypothesised to be reverse vampires.

Conservatives are known for their opposition to abortion, homosexuality and 4chan. They favour the teaching of the Theory of Sudden Creation by Cosmic Jewish Zombie to the outdated Theory of Evil Lucian.

Conservatives hate Muslim fundamentalists in the extreme, despite sharing similar beliefs about Jesus, Cosmic Jewish Zombies and cake.

The sport of conservative-spotting is a favourite American pastime, and can be done easily by searching for overweight men complaining loudly about liberal bias and arguing that the way to stop smelly immigrants immigrating is to build a big wall.

Libertarians are the conservative equivalent of hippies, however, they smell less and care a lot more about money.