Countdown

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Countdown.

Countdown is a television programme that has been broadcast every weekday in Britain for nearly 150 years. It is notable mainly for being the programme that has scored the highest number of viewer-suicides in a single episode, when on April 18, 1993 a contestant was shown on-screen not wearing the obligatory cardigan. It was originally started as a experiment to see how rich it was possible to make Carol Vorderman - an experiment which has now got out of control.

Popularity[edit]

The high quality studio, said to rival a Channel Five game show

Because of the repetitive nature of the show, it is wildly popular with dogs that have been subject to Pavlovian conditioning. The show is especially popular with half Polish Rastafarians due to its flashy lights and ability to make them feel smart for getting a four letter word. It gained a measure of notoriety when it was implicated in the 1987 Massacre of The Innocents incident in China, when the perpetrators of the outrage claimed that whilst listening to Countdown backwards they had heard hidden messages urging them to slaughter for Satan.

A famous outtake from the show in 2006 saw Des Lynam yawn and nearly fall asleep. When Carol asked why he was so tired, he said it was because he was "falling asleep waiting for that s*** to pick her letters, how long does it f****** take you old bat? You know what, I've had enough. I'm off". With that, he got up, threw his coat over his shoulder and stormed out, apparently never to return. He did so in 30 seconds, to take his precious teapot, and, when he returned, Des O'Connor was in the seat. He sped towards Lynam on the wheelie chair and booted him in the gut, sending him flying back at least 2 miles, meaning that he won't be asking for his job back for a good few hours yet.