Coventry

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Coventry.

Coventry is a large metropolis in the heart of the British Empire. Run by a leader, known as the Saru-man, or Saruman who is always part of the hardline fascist Labour party, Coventry has been the leading centre for gold pressed latinum in the Western world.

History[edit]

Formed from the branches of Cofa tree, which is the secret ingredient in Coca Cola, Coventry was created by an orc and a Wookiee in the middle of the 14th century. It is situated exactly halfway between the Tigris and Amazon rivers, and was for many years the home of a band of militant atheist hobbits who were exiled from local Birmingham. Always talking about taking the 'one ring' ( a reference to Birmingham's nearby Jewellery quarter ) to 'Mount Doom' ( a reference to one of the volcanoes that Rome was founded upon ) they were taken as mascots by the local populus. For this reason, the Coventry crest is of an elephant.

Coventry Crackhouse[edit]

Coventry is best known for its city wide crackhouse facility; usually referred to as Coventry University. It is a very exclusive crackhouse with a £3000 annual membership fee. This fee was dictated by one of its former members, Tony Blair. The policy to charge thousands of pounds for admission into Britain’s exclusive crackhouses was called The Blair Witch Project.

War[edit]

Coventry is one of the artistic hubs for artists looking for warzones. This is due to its long history of being destroyed and not rebuilt. In the English Civil War Coventry was used as a prison and a torture chamber - prisoners would often be 'freed' in the middle of the city and seeing the desolation would burst into tears and ask to return to jail. This is why the phrase 'sent to Coventry' is a synonym for 'destroy their mind'.

During the second world war Coventry was destroyed by the luftwaffe. The German pilots could not see any sign of human life there and thinking that it was only inhabited by non-senient beings dropped their bombs so they would not hurt anyone. It is only the second time in recorded human history that a war has increased the value of land. During the Nurenberg trials this was declared an anti-war crime, and one member of the Nazi party was given a "get out of jail free" card. This was used by Albert Speer.

It is a widely known fact that Woody lives in coventry, he is by far the greatest being the world has ever known.

Transport[edit]

It is unwise to bring horses into Coventry, as they will be eaten. The only form of transport allowed inside the city limits is the canal barge. The wheel is denoted a holy object and must be allowed to run free, on pain of death.

Sport[edit]

Coventry people play many sports. One was in the successful Ashes winning side of 2005, being the only cricketer not to die of old age during the games and thus winning on a technical knock out. The local football team, which is given a proper name unlike your stupid 'American football' teams, is one of the world's least successful. In the twelve thousand years of it's existence, it has only once won a trophy. In 10242BC they lost in the cup final to a team made up of homo neanderthalus in the "Battle of the Bulge".

Population[edit]

Leaving as soon as they can afford the barge fare.

Imports[edit]

Exports[edit]

Gold pressed Latinum
  • Projectile vomiting
  • Renaissance architecture
  • Gold pressed latinum
  • String
  • Cyborg replacement parts
  • Sting