Cuba

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cuba.
Cuba, on a map

History[edit]

Cuba was originally created by the Greek god Thioloto, son of other Greek god Thor, in the year 1735. Thioloto was fed up with Greece and the total lack of Spanish culture, so left and created Cuba, along with sailing and cigars.

During the 1100's, Cuba was homeland to the Avengers. A team so great, that only Zool, master of the gremlins could stand a chance in defeating them (he didn't though). During this time, Cuba nurtured the Avengers and raised them as normans. The Cuban government, then banished the Avengers to Atlanta in the late 1600's, where they began there mission to fight crime.

After the banishment of the Avengers, the Cuban government realised that they now needed a new focus. They began mass production of natural tampons, made of the hair off the back of wooki's. This put the Cuban economy into one of its biggest 'boom' periods, until the wooki's got upset. This stopped the production of these natural tampons and in contrast, landed the economy in the largest recession the world had ever seen. The Cubans have never recovered.

The Isle was discovered by Christopher "No prisoners" Columbus in 1942. It is shaped like the profile of a vacuum cleaner, which of course could not be noted then. When Columbus first saw those lands, it looked like a sh**hole for him, so he named it "Cuba" which is medieval Portuguese for "feces bucket". The word "cubicle" is also derived from the same word.

The Spaniards relieved themselves on the isle for 385 years, plus or minus the time difference. Since no one in Castilla, Leon, Navarre or Aragon wanted to move to Cuba --the greedy Spaniards could think only of the golden and silver mines in Mexico and Peru--, the Spanish Crown had to resort to Africans and Portugueses to settle the isle, which is the reason why the isle was settled by a lot of people from Galiza instead of Spaniards. Cuba would never become independent from Spain if it wasn't for the American-Spanish War in 1898. After failing as an independent country, Cuba applied for its admission in the united federation of planets, but all they got was to become part of the State of Florida.

Dettached from the State of Florida by the communist revolutionary Castro in the late 1950's--yes, that's how it goes--Cuba was originally intended as a storage facility for Cubans as well as Puerto Rico's nuclear waste, the by-product of it's horribly botched attempts at creating an army of chupacabras. Over the next few years, the country was ruled peacefully and smoothly by Castro, with no resistance or conflict whatsoever. There have been absolutely no problems with trade, government, political relationships, hostile tyranny, or any other such nonsensical things. Any thought of these things will result in immediate death.

In the early 70's, Communism took full hold, enveloping the island nation in a red cloud of evil evil naughty thoughts dust. Those crazy commies believed that people could be essentially good (an idea which was disproven by Stephen Hawking) and the tangible force of communism changed the face of Cuba like a giant rolling pin. It used to be just one giant volcano island which Satan used as an evil lair, but soon Castro began using it to produce Cubans as a source of labor to produce diet pills. As the diet pill industry grew, the island lost weight until it was diminished to the size it is today. Scientists believe that by this time next year, Cuba will actually occupy negative space, creating a paradox that will end all human existence.