Djibouti

From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Djibouti.


InyourfaceM.jpg
This article may have been censored by His Excellency, Robert Mugabe.

What's that? you don't agree with my official policies? You're trying to undermine
Zimbabwe and her precious democracy, aren't you? TRAITORS TO THE REVOLUTION!

CAPITALIST PIGS! CRACKERS! GUARDS, GO GET 'EM!!!

I'm thinking I'm going to like Djibouti

~ Oscar Wilde on this rather awkwardly-named country


Politics[edit]

Djibouti ( did yo booty ) is the first country in modern Africa to embrace the idea of meritocracy. The number of instances that a chosen representative from each region can say 'red leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather' decides the number of votes that area gets for the Presidential election. A President can then appoint 4 ministers for squirrel relations; 4 ministers for the Development of Teletubbies; 4 ministers for Sporks; 4 ministers who can speak like John F. Kennedy when necessary; and 4 ministers for annoying people by singing Emo songs on the subway. It is a necessity that all ministers have unusual hair.

The country also has a 113-member Senate. In each region of the country, prospective senators have to dress up like Paris Hilton and read out War and Peace by Tolstoy, from their memory. The persons who were most impressive in doing this become Senators for eight and three-quarter years. There are two main political parties in Djibouti, which mainly serve to give out on how to speed-read. The Haves and the Have-Knots, although the reactionary group, the Chav-nots, has done particularly well in the south of the country.

Economy[edit]

Djibouti's economy is diverse, although admittedly it is mostly service-based. Djibouti trades many things with Belgium and Denmark, including used toothbrushes, guides on how to speak Lithuanian, pet mosquitoes and copies of Beck's album, Sea Change, which were planted in New Houston as an attempt to increase depression emission. Djibouti also exports rappers to communities abroad that wish to feel more urban. All of this has led to a stable economy, and to Djibouti's success as a cloning nation.

Culture[edit]

As a French-speaking or Francophone nation, Djibouti is largely devoid of culture, at least in terms that anyone would understand. The most typical Djiboutian cultural habit is emigration, which takes place 365 times annually. Large flocks of Djiboutians fly across the Gulf of Aden to the Arabian Peninsula where they are chilled, packaged and flown to Europe, where in turn they are highly valued by previously arrived Djiboutians.

Their other major cultural activity is the weaving of overpriced woollen blankets, though in more urbanised areas this has been replaced by crime. The leading cultural exports of Djibouti are the works of Robin Cook whose novel Coma aptly describes the state of Djibouti today.