Dogs

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Dogs (or Canis inferioris to use the Latin) are one of the more intelligent animals on Earth. However, since animals are generally less intelligent than children and idiots, Dogs really aren't that clever at all.

I have a dog myself for example, a really stupid one. Not that I wanted one you understand, the wife insisted. I always used to say; "Jane, I don't want a dog, they're annoying, they just get hairs everywhere and you have to walk them all the time, what's the point of that?" But she didn't listen, she never did. She just kept saying, "either you give me a kid, or we get a dog, it's one or the other Barry." So I just went all quiet and sulked, hoping she'd see how sad I was and change her mind. She didn't, of course, she never changed her mind about anything. Jane never cared about me or my feelings, she treated me like... well, a dog.

Anyway, dogs. So yeah, we went down to the dog rescue place. There were all these scraggly, demented-looking things staring back at us. It was like being in a mad scientist's lair, filled with failed experiments and crimes against nature. Jane picked this really ugly one, and straight away from it's sad, vulnerable expression I could tell it was a needy son of a bitch. NO SPARKY, GET DOWN. I'M NOT GOING TO FEED YOU. Damn Dog always wants food. GO AND CATCH A BIRD OR SOMETHING. See what I mean? Needy.