Duke of Earl

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Duke of Earl.
The Duke of Earl flauntering his beard at the camera.

The Duke of Earl, real name Paddy McKenzie, and his beard were both son, grandson and daughter to the Duke of York and were born in 1734, 1748 and 1811. He lived his life flauntering his rather large beard to the strangers of the West Virginian Virgins and was a somewhat ambitious type. His early years were spent in taverns and pubs in the Isle of Man whereby he tried to find a way off the island. Unfortunately the entire population of the Isle of Man had the same problem. The Duke of Earl was an odd man. Sometimes he liked to play gold with a hat on and he rode 8 wheeled bycycles.

One day when Paddy and his beard were taking a walk while pondering plans to escape the island he was mistaken for a rather large Kodiak bear by a sailor who just happened to be marooned on the Isle of Man. Fearing the worst, the sailor jumped back into his boat and headed for the mainland. Fortunately for the Duke his beard realized it as a possibility to leave the dreaded island for once and all and jumped into the boat, dragging the Duke with it. They ate the sailor after 2 months at sea and managed to circumnavigate the island 23 times until he managed to make it back to the mainland, but the heavy sea, lack of nourishment and the harbour seals claimed their due - when the ship arrived, his beard was the only survivor.

One falsity regarding the Duke was that he kept live birds and small marmots in his beard. This was incorrect and totally unfounded due to the fact that it was empirically proven in 1569 that he kept a small band of feral acrobatic midgets in his beard, not birds and marmots.