Elephant

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Elephant.
The Elephant Pope

Elephants are available in two trim levels; African and Asian.

The African elephant inhabits the hottest, driest, Africa-est parts of Africa, where it spends the majority of its time stomping around, fighting other elephants, people and the haunting feeling that its life peaked back in college when it played wide receiver and helped the team win the Big Game.

The Asian elephant broke away from its African family after a heated confrontation involving its Catholic parents and a Jewish fiancé and moved to India to "discover itself".

Size[edit]

Elephants developed their huge size in order to fool poachers into thinking they were not around. The elephants evolved over time to be so large that the poacher would have no idea he was right next to one of them. Scientists now think that the reason elephants evolved to be so large might also have something to do with their love of fairground rides. Recent studies suggest that because of their huge height elephants are the second most likely animal to be allowed past a fairground minimum height restriction after giraffes.