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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Elmo.
Elmo and one of Oscar's bitches. Apparently she didn't "put out", so he proceeded to kill her. He was obviously a horny little bastard cause he wants some booty in his face from this girl.

Elmo, real name Elmore J. Hitler, and referred to on the streets as Nigga Elmo, a famous child star, drug addict, saint and Wiccan. He was apparently murdered by a 6th grade math teacher-turned-giraffe in 1997. Elmo is the OG of emos. He causes emos to cut themselves. Unfortunately, despite what this article says, Elmo is actually invincible and can even kill a Grue.


Elmo was one of several marionette/puppet hybrids created by the insane but brillant Dr. Jim H. Morua. In the good doctors own words "Evauntully some jerks at PBS got interested in my "muppets" so i slapped together a giant bird, a freaky furry red thing, and a hitler clone. They loved them all except for the Hitler clone who eveauntully became head of PBS". He bought a small strangely named street and started a kids show using his mutant abominations and everything was good through the 70's , and early 80's until he came along.

Street fighting days[edit]

After Elmo got out of jail he was a broke ass mo-fo and couldn't pay off Scrooge Mcduck. Thus many assassination attempts towards Elmo were pulled off. He fought people for money, and he also wet the bed and still wears diapers.

Some consider him the inspiration for the movie ( but not the book ) "Fight Club".

Life in entertainment[edit]

Elmo and Kofi Annan Just before he killed him.

Cut off from his angry bosses, who refused to accept his failure, ( most notably when he was beaten unconscious by Richard Simmons and Ned Flanders, which enraged Bert to no end since this was especially humiliating ).

He later appeared in a string of bondage flicks, going by the screen name 'Ron Jeremy'.

Trouble with the law[edit]

His days of fame and fortune in Los Angeles were short lived. Elmo fell back into petty crime. Subsequently, he had numerous run-ins with the police, and after being arrested for feeding cocaine to an under-age cat the judge finally threw the book at him, crushing his sternum.

A 2-year spell in San Quentin prison followed, but on September 6th 1995 he was freed on parole. He promptly fled and vanished into the mean streets of Beverly Hills, California.

He re-emerged three months later in Paraguay driving a Ferrari Spider. It was rumoured he had obtained the money through a bank scam involving HSBC, run at the time by now-British-Deputy-Prime-Minister, John Prescott. Reports emerged in British papers the following day that Prescott was actually helping Elmo to take the money. Things were going well but Elmo suddenly went missing, much to the shock of the world when travelling through Ecuador to meet some Colombian drug lords.

He has trouble keeping certain "needles" out of his body. This results in so much pain when you touch these spots he falls down crying so hard it seems as if he's laughing in joy.

Death's cold embrace[edit]

Elmo did his best thinking on the john.

It is rumored that Elmo was killed, because of his practice of Wicca in 1997 by a 6th Grade math teacher/giraffe hereby known as Miriam Loran, who allegedly tickled him into submission before slicing him up with a lightsaber, proclaiming "All glory be to Allah!" ( she had converted to militant Islam that episode and was obviously offended at Elmo's paganism ). Elmo's intestines were then removed and tied around a windmill. Recent sightings have placed Elmo back in his old 'hood of Sesame Street, although it is possible this is actually a midget in a furry suit.

A being who looks suspiciously like Elmo has been spotted. It is believed that this creature is Hellmo, the reincarnation of Elmo. If you see Hellmo, the only way to save your life is to jump off a cliff. It's ironic, isn't it?


Several years after his death, Hulk Hogan brought Elmo back to life using his evil backstage powers. Elmo has since been arrested for drug use but was found not guilty every time, despite many eye witnesses to each crime, due to the fact that the jury is made up of three potaters, a bucket full o' pelicans, and Satan, who brought a snow globe. But despite all his rebirths, he is always killed again by various beings such as the evil fish with a silver scale from the gang called [The She-bies. This Elmo is separate from the even more bloodthirsty Helmo. If you confuse the two, World War III may break out.

Elmo was not uberly deadly when he was first alive but since hulk brought him back he has amplified his evilness. He recently said in a recent interveiw, "Jacko the Wacko. Damn I'd hit that shit". This only shows his mentality

Elmo was reborn in 1939 as Hitlers right hand man. RUN! ELMOS A FUCKING NAZI

After 1990[edit]

In the year 2000, the rise of Elmo was elected as second on Time magazine's list of "Greatest Threats to the Free World", after the ascension of Hitler, and before the Cuban Missile Crisis.

He also is fighting a legal battle with his head CSI, Bid-One-Feathered Bird a.k.a. Big Bird, to pwn the number 2. He is currently thinking about letting Big Bird have it so he can buy pi and phi.

Since his rebirth, Elmo moved back to Los Angeles in an abandoned apartment building. He was rumoured to have commented a series of suicides during his stay in Los Angeles, but none were ever put on file. He now works in every school in the United States as a troubled teen magazine and the ever-popular smack-me-Elmo

He is now working on a concept album with Kanye West and Patrick Swayze, it is thought to be based on his time in prison, or it is about when peanut butter gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.

mmmmm,Elmo food


He has two cousins called "Fuck Me Elmo" and "Abuse Me Elmo". Fuck Me Elmo is both a man and a woman and is immune to all known STD's. Abuse Me Elmo is an S&M nympho who likes the feel of being struck on his butt with flat metal objects ( frying pans, baking trays, spiked flails, etc. ).

You can also find a "Shoot Me Up Elmo". Shoot him up and he shakes and giggles!

Elmo's Addiction to Goat Crack[edit]

After screwing his cousin 'fuck me elmo' and Osama Bin Laden, and then shooting up with 'shoot me up elmo', elmo got tired of sitting around with the same 'ol high. He decided that he would go into the realm of goat cracking. Elmo was addicted to goat crack before he got help. now he knows to go pot wise.

Tickle Me Elmo[edit]

( not to be confused with tickle me emo )

'Tickle me Elmo' was created using one of Elmo's Test-Tickles. 'Tickle me Elmo' is actually Mel Gibson in disguise, having people tickle him until he can exact revenge. WARNING-TICKLING MEL GIBSON TOO MUCH MAY CAUSE UNKNOWN LIQUID TO SPURT OUT OF HIM

Elmo Riding Ernie during a time-travel visit back to the 1790's

See also[edit]