European Swallow

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about European Swallow. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

The European swallow was a migratory bird of the Medieval Age. Unlike most birds at the time, like Housemartins, Big Birds and Plumbers, it unable to transport coconuts across England because they were afraid of them. Most modern scientists believe that this fear, while existant, was not the main reason for this; according to studies by mathematicians, it has been discovered that a five-ounce bird is incapable of carrying a two-pound coconut.

European swallows averaged in 20-5000 feet in length, from beak to stern, with comparable wingspans and horsepower. Their size is ultimately the reason for their extinction, as medieval knights often mistook them for dragons and shot them with grenade launchers. It has also been reported that Frenchman boiled their bottoms, claiming they were "sons of silly people". They blew their noses at them and farted in their general direction, often believed to cause the death of thousands, if not hundreds of them.

Their size is also the reason for their fear of coconuts, as they mistook them for their own turds, which were rabid.

The speed of an unladen European Swallow is 11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour.