From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search

A Fagrat

What the Hell is a Fagrat? (You may ask)[edit]

Thought at one stage to be the most intelligent member of the genus Rattus, the fagrat is now merely regarded as the oldest and most homosexual. There is speculation that the fagrat was the first animal to display same sex lustings, it is however in some circles (twisted, twisted circles) debated that the T-Rex was the first animal to exhibit these characteristics. This despicable rumor of course cannot be disproved without the use of a time machine, which is far beyond the expenses of you’re average animal enthusiast.

Birth of the Straight Rat[edit]

As everyone knows straight rats were invented by Guy Harris in 1987. A less commonly known fact is that he merely used a process of selectively breading the least homosexual of the fagrats which had already been around for thousands of years. Until Guy Harris’ intervention fagrats had been keeping the species alive by going against everything they stood for and copulating with members of the opposite sex.

Fagrats as Pets[edit]

Despite popular belief, fagrats make horrible pets. This is mainly due to the presence of a small gland called the ‘Fabulous Gland’ located on the underbelly of the fagrat. This gland secretes a hormone called ‘Good-taste in Fashion’ that causes humans and other animals to act in a campy manner. 'Good-Taste in Fashion' does not cause homosexuality in other animals, but the suspicion is that it induces flippance in the other partner and has driven apart many healthy relationships.

Famous Fagrats[edit]

Another Fagrat

Roland Rat, Dean Gaffney, That Cunt Les and Splinter (Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Super Turtles fame) appear to be the only famous fagrats.


Oscar Wilde on Fagrats[edit]

Wilde's eyes become glazed and fixed, the Fagrat flies tonight!

Although there are no documented reports of Oscar Wilde ever having commented on the Fagrat; careful historical study clearly shows that his poem 'Requiescat' is in fact a poem about Fagrats. In his 28th year of life, the man renowned for his wild'e' living, suffered a terrible fever - and leading to mind-blowing halucinations; which included racing images of various unmentionable things. However, if one listens carefully to the original recording of 'Krapps' Last Tape' by Samuel Beckett one can distinctly hear Oscar in the background recounting his tale of an amazing fagrat he had seen in a dream - "Eyes like sparkling big fagerous lamps of flame... Belly all tucked and wane, so sensul to the touch of pain... and so yey i did (undiscernable) that fagrat..". It was later admitted that Wilde had indeed accidentally entered the recording booth and began recounting his tale of fagrats to Beckett.. who was not actually there at all. After consultation with his doctor, the poet/writer/mystic/magician realised he had actually not been halucinating at all. Indeed rather more worryingly it seems that he had been abused by some sort of miscrient Fagrat! Several years of counseling were unsuccessful in curing Wilde of his fagrat fear (CampRattusaphobia)Until he finally wrote 'Requiescat; which purged the demonic fagrat from his system. And thankfully so!