Fever

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fever.


Fever is an anti-semitic juggler, probably descended from Ancient Egypt or Vietnam. Fever is a psychological phenomenen, in contrast to its enemy, the dreaded success. Which of course has nothing to do with the merits of fever. Fever topped FBIs list of Most Wanted Fevers in 1978, but due to its praising in popular culture troughout the 80's, remained untouched by the proper authority until late 2005, when it was shot and killed by police deputy Lee Van Cleef in an Aboriginal Suburb, just west of Australia.

Early Life[edit]

Little is known about the whearabouts of fevers parents, yet its highly believed that they were both rich and highly abusive. Therefore, one must assume that fever did as most troubled children, killing his parents in a grotesque yet groovy manner. Allthough the bodies have never been evidently uncovered, the method of murder can most certainly be verified as stabbing, due to archeological evidence found in Ancient Egypt or Vietnam.

Ex-president of the United States, John F Kennedy was long assumed to be hiding the repeatedly stabbed parents, put into his sleepingbag, yet the former official denied these rumours as "utter nonsense" and "ignorant political blabbering" in his famous West Berlin speech in 1963. Kennedy also stated the killerquote Ich bin eine Berliner, obviously in an attempt to distance himself from the Egyptian or Vietnamese origins of his ancestors. Just a couple of months later, Kennedy caught the fever, which ultimately wooped his ass and shot him dead in Dallas, Texas. This rather mysterious event ended the popular rumours, and illfated theories surronding Kennedys death ended the public interest for fevers parents.

Fever Becomes a Man[edit]

Then fever grew up and became a man, being caught by thousands of individuals and bullying the Egyptian desert or the Vietnamese jungle. Being now a man, the fever caught several soviet precommunists and reproduced. It's widely believed that Jungle Fever was fevers firstborn son, reflecting both the evilness and deadliness of its father, though lacking the extreme cunning demonstrated in fevers most famous murders.

Anti-semitic Controversial[edit]

During the middle ages, fever was heavily owned by his nemesis Black Death. Due to the great lack of catchings, fever joined a Jewish Carnival as a juggler. Just to make the ends meet. Fever had some serious skills, but lacked the will to make the grand star his bosses carved him out to be. Much to the displeasment of Mr. Yitzak the Skinner, fevers personal motivator and backstabbing friend.

In 1359, fever was caught by Mr. Yitzak's daughter whom it ultimately killed. Hearing the news of his daughters decline and death, Mr. Yitzak ordered fever tracked down and killed in a very grotesque manner. Fever fled the carnival and took refugee in Africa, the sad place where black people hit drums. However, in late november 1360, fever was tracked down by Mr Yitzaks mercenaries who caught it and brought it back to Europe, where he served a gruesome penalty at the foot of a stereotypical and boring French king which history sadly forgot. Though the penalty weighted heavily on fevers shoulders, it was far from the very grotesque manner of which Mr. Yitzak had ordered his murder.

Heck, he wasn't even murdered. Mr Yitzak was very much displeased, but died the following year of an unknown disease, believed to be connected to fevers international network of organized sickness. However, Mr. Yitzaks relatives (meaning all Jews, cause they're bloody organized) made a blood oath to never give up the hunt on fever, to catch him and kill him in a very grotesque manner. This probably made fever an anti-semit, though this was never proved and is maybe very unlikely, depending on your point of view.

Rise and Decline[edit]

Following the temporary retirement of King Black Death (sure he'll be back!), fever watched his former trade with renewed optimism. Being caught by even the most witfull and strong man, fever built the empire of cynical domination one would connect it with today. In the lapse of a century, fever controlled all of Europe and the planet of Mars, where he built his headquarters known today as "that thing that looks a heck of a lot like a face". Indeed, he even taxed the air of his illfated, sickly population.

However, just like any other extremely powerful and tyrannic ruler, fever just had to mess it up. In December 1568, fever denied the existence of Jews, claiming their ancestor Abraham died in a cart accident, childless. In a speech to the good folks of an extremely quiet and antiexentric town in Italy, fever stated "He was riding that cart like a SICK BASTARD! I mean, really I've never seen anything move at such a speed, it was incredible, and then he died. And he had no kids! So the jews dont exist!" Fever failed to comment on whether the last rhyme was intended. What started as a rather small moral dispute, soon escalated into an incredible grotesque war with lots of people dying in fancy positions for no purpose.

Long story short, most people in the world died and the rest was left in shock. Fever was brutally cast down from his seat of power, and became a lone wanderer in a world rebuilt by the incredibly organized and cynical Jews, who came out victorious from this fantastic war. Little is known regarding fevers operation during the rebuilding of the world, but as most historians today are jews and deny this most epic rebuild, it is really none of your concern. It basically never happened.

The End of Fever[edit]

Though fever had certain success from time to time, the domination which it had once executed was far out of its reach. In the early 19th century, fever was humiliated and enslaved by the upcomer Flu. Flu was a harsh ruler, and emptied fever of all his previous guts and courage, and even as the number of people catching the fever raised to the sky, fever earned only a slaves income and used his small heap of coins to get drunk. After inventing Feverx2000, Flu no longer saw the need of its slave and had it dumped on the cold street of Manhattan. It was at this time that fever wrote his autobiography, which sucked and bored the heck out of the few who actually bought it. One of the readers actually died due to the extent of the books extreme boredom.

Living his life as a lowlife sickness in the streets of New York, fever actually managed to build up a smaller empire which climaxed in the killing of President John F Kennedy in 1963. Fevers life finally came to an end when the jews of America hired Lee "Freaking Awesome" Van Cleef to kill him in a very grotesque manner. In contrast to his predecessors, Lee executed the order with mighty precision and whacked Fever just west of Australia. Fever was buried in his homeland, either Vietnam or Ancient Egypt, next to what could be his deceased parents.