Fleetwood Mac

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fleetwood Mac.

Fleetwood Mac is one of the hugest, most successful bands of all time. At least, I certainly thought so, until I realized that they didn't even have an article about them on Uncyclopedia. Go figure. File:Spinal Tap.gif

Who?[edit]

Fleetwood Mac is an influential and commerically successful ( well, if you're asking Mick, that is ) Anglo-American band that over the years has had a bigger turnover rate than a Taco Bell in Siberia. The only members who have been in the band since the beginnings are its namesake, drummer Richard Fleetwood ( often simply called "Dick" ) and bass fiddle player John Mack V., often simply called "Who?", while keyboardist Christine McVie was recently seen on a double-decker bus staring off into space and drooling, whilst repeating over and over, "I never saw her coming . . . I NEVER saw her coming! . . ." The two most succesful periods for the band were during the late sixties British Blues Boom, when they were led by guitarist Peter "It Isn't Easy Being" Green, and also from the late 1960s to the present. It has been estimated that Fleetwood Mac's album and single sales are higher than the total national GDP of Saudi Arabia and in fact, all the OPEC nations combined. ( Perhaps not coincidentally, the country of Columbia has recently dedicated a National Holiday in their honor. )

Why do people like them?[edit]

There are two theories as to the reasons for Fleetwood Mac's unbelievable, unprecedented success.

I. Stevie Nicks is the most phenominally talented songwriter and performer of all time. Her Genius is unspeakable and angels gasp when they hear her name. Notes just FLOW from out of nowhere onto the written page. They just come THROUGH her, as if they were coming from . . . SOMEBODY else or some SPIRIT CHANNEL or an old POETRY book or something!

II. Lindsey Buckingham is the most phenominally talented songwriter and performer of all time. His Genius is unspeakable and angels gasp when they hear his name. Notes just FLOW from his guitar ( using a "Diatonic" style, which, apparently, NOBODY knows what the f. it is ) and Eddie Van Halen calls out his name during orgasm. Notes just come THROUGH him, as if he was home sick with mono one day and wrote three or four lines about being afraid, added a couple of guitar licks with a bridge, and made a career out of that and Acting Poetic with Lots of Angst. His perfection is unmatched. However, since he's any good at all, he knows he can be better, as he's reminded us about 12 or so times now.

The two factions behind these theories have not been able to come to terms, and are currently lining up in a battlefield in France next to a lovely chatteau draped with lots of bouganvillea and a lovely peach tree. Chiffon, tambourines and feathered top hats are getting ready to fly . . . .

Early Years[edit]

A poster advertising the band's first gig, Goo Goo Ga Ga ( Rock It Out, Man ).

Fleetwood Mac was formed in 1967 in London when Peter Green left the British blues band, John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers. Green had replaced guitarist Eric Clapton in the Bluesbreakers, and received permanent brain damage from banging his head against the wall repeatedly when he realized what a muffed-up idea THAT was. A whole lot of people stole a whole lot of people away from a lot of different bands. Everybody's mad at everybody but nobody can really remember anymore anyway. The running theory seems to be that McVie ended up with Fleetwood and a lot of shinnanegans ensued. Eventually Peter Green needed to label a tape, and after searching his soul far and wide, living like a monk in Tibet for 12 years, and entering into a trance-like state ( note: not related to his search ), he came up with the name "Fleetwood Mac." Later, they hired this guy named Danny Kirwan ( Kirwin? Kierwan? Nobody really knows ) who was eventually a victim of head-banging theft perpetrated by one Ozzy Osborne, who ALSO needed a damn haircut.

Christine Perfect:[edit]

McVie felt it would be interesting to have his girlfriend join in on The Shenanigans. Yeah THAT was a good idea! Nobody's perfect, but her songwriting and singing were. She stayed on as an Official Member until she had to go roll her eyes and puke. Lindsey Buckingham immediately asked, "What are you all looking at ME for!?"

"Fake" Mac:[edit]

A dishonest Manager in the Rock Music business? Who KNEW!?

Mainstream Success ( 1975 - 1987 )

Buckingham Nicks:[edit]

Ugh! You probably know this part already. Mick wanted the guitarist, the guy wouldn't join without his g-friend, Stevie, who played all the albums "back to front" for some strange reason. This, perhaps, was a portent of things to come. Everything went wonderfully for about three microseconds and then lots of Shenanigans, Boozing, Partying, and most especially fighting went on. Everybody hated everybody because they loved each other so much. Or they loved everybody because they hated each other so much. Stevie was totally innocent in all of this because she was just a babe in the woods who didn't even know that cocaine could hurt you and has the heart and mind of a chalcedony angel. Oh - lots of yelling and glass-throwing went on too.

Oh - and they also sang some music and made some albums.

What happened then?[edit]

Let's see - everybody broke up with everybody, and everybody dated everybody. More yelling ensued. Some SUING ensued, too. Lindsey eventually got pissed and left, and they replaced him with Rick Vito and That Guy Who Ended Up Doing Soft Porn Movies. Rick Vito ended up burying Buckingham in the guitar work arena, but nobody ever actually admits to this - it's one of Fleetwood Mac's Dirty Little Secrets.

Stevie went on to a glorious solo career because, well, let's face it, she really IS a genius even though she never uses the black keys and doesn't know how to write musical notes and doesn't know what a g-cleft is. She drew on many influences from poetry and literature, like Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights and Edgar Allan Poe, which she kinda-sorta-almost got around to telling people about, sooner or later. She later was credited with inventing the word, "AAAGGHHHhaaaaaagghghhhaaaaaaaaaaaaagghhhh" during her performance of the song, "Beauty and the Mick." However, language experts have not yet deciphered the communication from the planet Omega-3 in the Beta Andronis star system which she once conveyed to an audience during her performance of the song "Sister of the Moon." However, it doesn't matter because everyone fainted immediately afterward when they saw her yet-to-be matched, stunning twirl away from the mike. Angels cried, and Heaven stopped in its tracks.

Side note: Stevie may or may not have dated:

Lindsey Buckingham; Mick Fleetwood; and, Uhm - EVERYBODY.

She also has fallen in love exactly twenty three thousand and twelve times in her life. However, nobody, nobody can EVER take the place of that guy she had a crush on that time whose name she can't remember. She WAS only ten after all, so cut'er a damn break huh!? Lindsey came close though, but no cigar. But at least he provided lots of angst, which, let's face it, helped make her career.

Reunion( s )[edit]

The band's main audience demographic today.

Lindsey Buckingham wanted to make a solo album. The Evil Record Executive wondered how to break it to Lindsey that nobody was really interested without getting beat up. He said to him, "How about a full-scale reunion on stage?" and then ducked behind his desk. Lindsey asked, "Will . . .will SHE be there?" and when told that She would, immediately agreed after a feeble lame protest which was obviously just for show. He then asked the Record Executive if he was going to finish that sandwich. A tour ensued, for which the colleges that Record Executives send their kids to are eternally grateful. More Shenanigans may or may not have ensued, and Stevie may or may not have been seen smoking backstage. A multi-billion dollar investigation has recently been launched by both NASA and the CIA in order to solve this vexing question.

In 2003, Lindsey grudgingly gave some but not all of his solo work to the band and then got pissed because Chris Lord Alge - no wait the other guy - no WAIT i THINK it was Chris Lord Alge - oh hell do YOU know? Anyway more yelling ensued, but it was hard to make it out because of all the obvious continuity problems during their big "fight." Everybody hated everybody again, but they forgave each other faster this time 'cause they're more mature. Oh, and Stevie got some giggles out of a singing fish. (Which WAS pretty funny, after all.) Stevie and Lindsey decided to let THEM fight it out (hitting the record for Highest Note of All Time in the process), and she and Lindsey utterly failed to go up in a ball of flames. They probably did go up high somehow or other, though. Meanwhile, Sulamith and Sara, Stevie's dogs, utterly failed to have their Big Fight talked about on the Internet Discussion Groups. They're still not talking to each other. The "Big Fight" which left both singers traumatized for life resulted in the incredibly successful album "Say You Will," which included some of Lindsey's solo work which he was just about to throw out in the trash anyway, and 9 songs that Stevie came up with while she was writing like a maniac in January of 2003. (Any similarities between these songs and old demo tapes from the '70s which are floating around on the internet are purely coincidental.) The cornerstone of the album, however, is Stevie's brilliant hit song "Say You Will." The paper bag she scribbled this song on is currently for sale on eBay for $53,000. The true key to the success of the album, however, was Lindsey's unrelenting, nonstop work in the studio with the album, post-production. Just ask him. Buckingham next performed with the country group "Little Big Town" and the blonde singer flirted with him a whole bunch.

Conclusion[edit]

All of this points to one simple, undeniable fact: Fleetwood Mac has enjoyed unprecedented, nonstop success over the years. This success was muliplied many times over when Stevie and Lindsey - that's the GUITARIST, right? - joined the band. However, this has still not enabled Mick to raise enough money for his favorite charity, and plans are in the works for another tour late in 2007.

Oh - and millions upon millions of people still love the "chick singer," because let's face it, she's Stevie Freaking Nicks.

Oh - also, they sang some music and recorded it and then performed it on stage.

Discography[edit]

  • 1998 Fleetwood Mac…goes to the future
  • 1968 Mr. Wonderful
  • 1968 Mr. Wonderful’s cousin
  • 1968 Mr. Wonderful's sister stepfather's brother in law
  • 1968 Mr. What the fuck is this guy still doing here?
  • 1969 Some album no one ever heard of
  • 1969 Then play on…then stop…then play on again, now shut up…
  • 1970 Oscar Wilde’s House
  • 1971 The original Fleetwood Mac which is really the same as the first, we just want to sound really clever album
  • 1977 That album that sold 157835689 copies including 3 in Russia and 512.2 on Mars
  • 1979 That album that they made to not be like the last album because it was so successful and they do that stupid shit that musicians do so they won’t get stuck doing one type of music but they usually end up screwing it up and losing money album
  • 1982 Crappy 80’s album
  • 1987 Crappy 80’s album revisited
  • 2003 Say you will…if not I’ll bust a cap in yo’ ass ( a.k.a. Lindsey Buckingham's rap phase )