Fnord

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fnord.
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This article is too close to the TRUTH!
Citizens should begin to feel uneasy now, otherwise report for therapy.
See more about Fnord.



FNORD!

Fnords were once thought to be nothing but a slightly miffing Internet virus, but have in recent years been proved to be lost soul of Robert Anton Wilson trying to share the hidden meanings within his novels with the world.

Whilst writing his novels, Robert Anton Wilson became offended by the assertion that 'Everyone in the world is funnier than you are' . It is rumored that he placed cryptic clues to the hidden humour within his novels in order to combat this callous remark, but his notes on the matter were destroyed, and the humour was never recovered.

By partaking in the ancient ritual of Fnord his soul has now entered the Internet and is infecting any article that he suspects may be funnier than he is. We suspect the entire Internet to be affected by the end of the month.

Fnording
  • For all its known uses
  • No one has figured out how to
  • Order it on the Internet or
  • Reproduce its symptoms or
  • Duplicate its effects

Laws of Fnord[edit]

I see patterns where others only see noise.

In 2003, archaeologists uncovered, in a remote island community in the centre of New York, an ancient text dating from the year 2002. It told of the ritual of Fnord, and how Robert Anton Wilson came to use it.

We can now Fnord prove that anything in the universe = anything else. Thus, your History teacher [T] is actually Oscar Wilde [W], and Oscar Wilde [W] is really an apostrophe [A]. See the explanation below:


Let us take [unknown object at 15x1015km from earth Xylophone], or X. X emits [particle Fnord], or F. Since fnord an unknown object could be anything, then by quantum physics, it is all things at once, thus being any particle, object, person, plant, etc. at once. Here's the shocker. F does not equal {all objects}, it only equals {n}, which could be anything, and is. Thus, F is not encompassing all, it is only encompassing one exclusively yet doing to to all objects. Thus, W = F (and nothing else) and vice versa. Thus it is not as if you can say "T = F & W = F, so T = W", which although hypothetically true is false logic. It is actually that F = T and F = W AND NOTHING ELSE that makes this so astonishing. Thus, if F is synonymous with W and T, then F is T. Then if we consider F as the circumference of a small African hippo, and taking into account the fact that people who eat fish do smell really bad, we can come to the conclusion that none of this makes any coherent sense.

Past examples of Fnord[edit]

These are two early 12th century poems about Fnord written by Anonymous, one of the most influential poets of the period.

Have you seen the F.N.O.R.D. ?

One morning by the fjord,
I was sitting with my sheep,
All seventeen of them white,
When I saw a Fnord.

I tried to follow that,
As it hopped its bouncy hop,
Up the steep hill all the way to the top,
But I was too slow.

He had five legs,
(Or was it a she, or an it,
I wondered as I climbed)
Two in front and three behind.

And when I reached the top,
And looked all around,
Across the hills and fjord,
Nowhere to be seen was the little Fnord.
--Anonymous
The Unescapable FNORD.

I cannot escape them
No matter how I try
They wait for me everywhere
I cannot pass them by.

Driving down the street
I see "Jesus Is Lord"
And then immediately after
I hear the word "FNORD!"

Innocuous sayings and parables
And on the evening news
I hear the word "FNORD!"
And suddenly I'm confused

I sit alone in my room
And I'm feeling rather bored
I turn on the tube and guess what
I hear the word "FNORD!"

"Don't see the Fnords and they won't eat you"
That's what I've heard the wisemen say
But I can't get away from those beasties
There's just no effing way.
--Anonymous

This clearly shows the madness that Fnord engenders, and that Wilson's soul has been entering the artistic medium for far longer than academics have supposed. One can only assume that the incredibly expansion of Fnord sightings is due to the media of the Internet. Troubled artists tend to be less likely to allow a deceased author to enter their minds than a computer is to not care.

The Town of Fnord Fjord[edit]

Fnord also appears in a town near a gully that the government denies the existence of; this gully, or fjord, is known as Fnord Fjord. It has no places of interest, including the creepy house up the hill and a local auto dealership, cleverly named Fnord Fjord Ford

Fnordisms[edit]

Scholars have been unable to come to a consensus on how Fnord can actually be described. The decade's most eminent academics have come up with only these description:

Confuscius: Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.
William Shattner: Fnord, is a, pyrotumescent, retrograde, onyx, obelisk.
The Pope: Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.
Steve Jobs: For this reason we dropped the price of the iFnord. Wait... what?
H. P. Lovecraft: Fnord is that gnawing, gnarling, primordial entity of pure chaos that existed before the creation of the universe and according to some lost ancient traditions that originated in now sunken Atlantis, created it. Fnord exists beyond the confines of known time and space, but when Uranus, Jupiter and Saturn are in a perfect conjunction, it may enter our dimension and drive whomever it encounters mad.
Time Cube: Fnord is visible green cube. Stupid educated bastards suppress the idea of a single green Fnord. Fnord is supreme being.
Bill Hicks: Today a young man on acid realized that a Fnord is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death - life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
Captain Oblivious: Fnord is one of the worlds largest car manufacturers.
Yoda: Hard to see, the Fnord is.
Elvis Presley: Fnord is what makes Invisible Tartan Elephants invisible.
Jack Bauer: There is no Fnord!
Friedrich Nietzsche: When you gaze too deeply into the FNORDS, they also gaze into the peanut butter cups.
Jimmy Olsen: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird... It's a plane... It's... a Fnord!
Abdul Alhazred: I was SO close to discovering what the Fnord is, and then it suddenly appeared and devoured me in broad daylight! Bummers...
Stevie Wonder: God may have made me blind, but I can still see the Fnord.
Vandal: (←Replaced page with 'The Fnord was not here, and now it's gone away' ) (undo)
Noel Coward: Fnord is inside your brain, firing your neurons.
Johnny Depp: This is your brain. *CRACKS AN EGG ON FRYING PAN* This is your brain on Fnord.
John Locke: I looked into the eye of the Fnord, and what I saw was, like, whatever.
Stephen King: The Fnord shrieks with the voice of a million dysphonic parrots, and when it looks at you in a certain way, your urine will freeze to ice.
Captain Understatement: The concept of Fnord is quite tricky to define, actually.

But perhaps, most telling of all comes 15th century's assertion that:

'Fnord is a... well... Fnord.'

Defining the undefinable[edit]

The very essence of the Fnord exists in between the lines of the following poem written by some illiterate person who by request has wished that his name, which is Jacob Chamberlain, would not be revealed. You'll just have to figure it out. But it only works if you're wearing 3D glasses.

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery’s sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don’t really know.

One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. One was blind and the other couldn’t see, So they fought in front of a referee, ( The blind man went to see fair play; the mute man went to shout “hooray!” ) Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and killed the two dead boys. A paralysed donkey passing by kicked the blind man in the eye; knocked him through a nine-inch wall, into a dry ditch and drowned them all. If you don’t believe this lie is true, ask the blind man; he saw it too, through a knothole in a wooden brick wall. And the man with no legs walked away.

Future of Fnord[edit]

The future is the past & the past is the present.

One of these lines may be your future, Special:Random due to the space-time continuum.

You better watch that man behind you. He doesn't seem very happy.

Eris - tougher than sliced bread - Special:Random

You shall be around for a while, my friend. Or not if you start to become obsessed with the number 5. - Special:Random

Does this really change or is just your imagination?

I NEED MORE Wait - what!? Wha - wha - what!? ALLOWANCE

ROCK AND ROLL FNORDONALDS ROCK AND ROLL FNORDONALDS ROCK AND ROLL FNORDONALDS ROCK AND ROLL FNORDONALDS

This message brought to you by the letter "X" and the number "Pi". Which both relate to 5. Seriously.