Food

“MMM! Food!”

~ Homer Simpson on Food

Food is an infamous monster ravaging the world every day. You are a potential victim everytime you open a cereal box, eat, breathe, or even exist! You must save yourself and follow these instructions:

INSTRUCTIONS!

• Develop a food allergy so the food will die when it tries to eat you.
• Drown it in a pile of milk.
• Turn the tables and EAT IT!
• Jab a fork into it.
• Starve yourself. ( Note: this tends to be fatal too. )
• Show it a photo of *Gulp*... Michael Jackson!
• Make it do a thesis on Illogicopedia and watch it's head explode!
• Show it another pho

to of *Gulp*... MICHAEL JACKSON!!!

Benefit of Food

What are you talking about? Food is an insane murderer!

Harm of Food

Um... I think that's what this article's about.

Harming of Food

Yes! Ehehehehe! Do it!It deserves it!

...

What!? Let me go, you white-coated fiends!NOOOOOOOOO!

UK laws involving the harming of Food

My lawyer says that, under normal circumstances, food harmers shall be prosecuted under the charge of harming food if they choose to harm food; however harming food is acceptable if the food first harms the one who is about to harm the food. None of this applies in Wales.