Freedom fries

From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Freedom fries.

Nothing says a good time was had by all than a fully expended Freedom Frys inventory

~ Oscar Wilde on Man-Love and Freedom Frys Stores

History[edit]

The freedom fry was originally a Soviet Russian torture technique in which a freedom fighter's favorite pet was fried and served as a dish while the captured fighter was forced to watch. The technique was invented by Stalin, a cruel monster who enjoyed touching small children on the upper left arm.

The freedom fryer.

The United States Air Force improved upon Stalin's technique by developing a truck specialized for the purpose of carrying it out. Their "freedom fryer" uses microwaves rather than hot oil, so it can be used in countries that lack the naturally-occurring canola springs of the Russian tundra. The beam can be spread out over a wide area to fry hundreds or thousands of pets at once, or to transform a boring corn field into a deliciously explosive popcorn field. The freedom fryer may also target the ocean, creating fish and chips.

The freedom fryer's evil child-touching cousin, the Freedom Baker, was built in 1974 by Duh M. Bo. The Freedom Baker used potatoes to power itself. When battling the evil, sinister Batman, the Freedom Baker offered Baked Chicken with Sandwich. Batman then asked if the Baker baked other birds. Duh M. Bo nearly took over the world, when he offered to bake himself for all of Bill Gates money. He did, and now he is the richest dead man on Earth.

In the meantime ( aka while people find the French awful mean just because they refuse a war, while they actually won their independence for them and gave them a big statue to remind them ) people just can't seem to realize the truth about french fries: they originated from Belgium.

Uses in General[edit]

The Freedom Fryer is now used not only as a torturing device, but is commonly equipped as standard utensils by the world's most prestigious cooks. Freedom Fryers are also used by contemporary pavement artists in many of their most exquisite works of art - although perhaps more frequently the artists are simply trying to get the sun out of their eyes, because sunglasses are soooooo 2004.

Before the Children's Protection Against Freedom Fryers Act of 1952, Freedom Fryers were used as burnination devices. Underage piss-faces of London were usually accompanied by unnameable black-grey masses of soot connected to their bodies by stringy bits of flesh. These masses were commonly know as "Burnt Bits". These "Burnt Bits" could be anything from an arm to an ear, or even sometimes a carrot omelette.

The Chain Of Stores[edit]

A Subsidiary of Frys Electricals this is a store dedicated to selling tools for open people /free siprits/homos to sodomise each other, noteworthy items include the extra strength holding chains, barbed whips, dildo drill bits ( compatible with all industrial kango drills ) and cherry bombs ( for the first special time ).

Trivia[edit]

  • Freedom Fries are a favorite of Fred Fungle ( see Alliteration ). They are also believed to have been Yogi Berra's favorite dish.
  • Freedom Fries are most commonly bred in captivity.


See also[edit]