George Orwell

From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about George Orwell.
The face that launched a thousand the other way. Ha! Get it? No? Well, you all suck too.

'George "The Tiny Dick" Orwell, codenamed Desert Fox and Orwell of the Jungle ( depending on were he was stationed ), is a celebrated fictional author of the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four and chef, and the first person in the history of the world to assert that "totalitarianism is bad, m'kay". He often loved to spend his past time fucking young boys in the ass. He became famous because every time he seemed to like some kind of government, he'd write a book that goes on about how terrible it is. By now, the only ones he hasn't written a book about are Bolivian, semi-feudalistic anarcho-syndicalism, and post-Viking AgeTrotskyist wartimepseudo escapist surrealism but Orwell is just waiting for an oppertune moment to strike. Though he touched on the second one in his book, One Last Attempt To Make You Look Smart By Reading A George Orwell Book.

Early childhood[edit]

Born Eric Anthony Dick Charles Ian Linda Tony Blair in Matahari, India in 1920, to a literate camel by the name of Tony Craig Orwell and a British library monitor, whom is only known as O'Pussy, Orwell was able to experience oppression first hand as a poor English boy living in India during its occupation by an unknown imperial force. ( Some speculation exists that both England and India were both occupied at the time by the United Kingdom, although such information is outside of the scope of this article, and indeed, your interest.LOL ) Research seems to indicate that George Orwell had three illegitimate brothers -- Peter Peterson, Ors Sonwell and H. Gewell. Little is known about them, however, as the both died during the Reploid Wars.

Published works[edit]

Orwell is a popular blogger and commentator on MSNBC. He has appeared on The Daily Show with ( and without ) Jon Stewart and in 2004 endorsed a retarded tree frog to be President of the United States of Oceania.

Animal Farm[edit]

His most unimportant book, Animal Farm, as well as outlining what is generally regarded as the world's best casserole recipe, describes a hitherto untested trial method of rearing animals in a pseudo-egalitarian environmnent analogous to communism. It was filmed by the Marx Brothers in 1948. Stars include Angelina Jolie as Napoleon, Pamela Anderson as Snowball. There were many arguments about who should play ythe part of Major, but eventually, Paris Hilton was chosen, but sadly was analy rapped by Kyle's mom. Paris Hilton said she enjoyed every second of it and can't wait for the video.

Animal Farm can be used to gain key insights into societal control and can also be used to fake a book report, since your teacher hasn't read it either nor ever will.

Though there is much heated debate, Orwell and the publishers kept the introduction. The intro for this book, though a bit lengthy, is a goody. John T. Scopes, noted high school English teacher, diatribes about the sentence complexity and depth of Orwell's masterpiece. On chapter five ( the unforgettable one in which the primates attempt to take over the farm! ), Scopes writes, "And how could we thus forget this chapter which speaks of tribalistic totalitarianism? The primates attempt to take over- but they're so stupid! It's unbelievable that they could ever even attempt to be so smart. It's a wonder that the pigs didn't pwn their asses sooner."

Fahrenheit 1984[edit]

In 1984, Ronald Reagan was re-elected President of the United States of Oceania on a platform of personal responsibility for the proles and tax-relief for members of the Inner Party, under the alias of Big Brother. During this period he looked worryingly like George Michael, and indepth research by five moustachio'd sixth formers strongly suggests that Wham!'s Club Tropicana is based on the district of Oceania, where Winston and Julia got the goodies. Full on fucking-in-the-bushes goodies.

Orwell's famous biography of Big Brother Reagan, Fahrenheit 1984, is supposed to be quite good, although no one ever wants to admit that they have never read it, and that they don't know why such a wordy book, that has to explain every detail instead of revealing story development through actions and dialog, is supposed to be so fucking good.

Oscar Wilde, on Fahrenheit 1984, "I thought it was good up until the end, but I still want to know what happened to Julia and Montag after that accident. Orwell has done it again! Though no one knows what it is, I suspect the nasty."

Orwell Today[edit]

After publishing his last book, Waldo and the Emerson, Orwell abandoned the writing profession in order to embark on the career that led him to great infamy among senior citizens living in Oregon; Orwell had decided to become a Swedish Dominatrix, the first of its kind. Now living in Norway, Orwell has joined Glenn "Frog" the Frog, Walt Whitman, and F. John Fitzkennedy as one of the greatest dead presidents ever. He currently resides in the wastelands of the USSR, whipping savage Russian cavemen and eating a nuclear diet consisting of plutonium, crack, and rusty nails. Yes, folks. Dirty, rusty, fucking sharp nails.

Personally Politics[edit]

He has none. He just writes all these political allegories to make money from those stupid enough to buy them. Orwell gets a kick out of smarmy conspiracy-theory minded freaks crying "1984," "Big Brother" every time the local traffic cop pulls them over.

However, he briefly held a job as a historian, where he expounded the contraversial view that not only did the Roman Empire exist, but its capital was not Rome, but the English city of Ankh-Morpork.

Brave New World[edit]

Brave New World is an album by Iron Maiden ( May They Rest In Peace. )

George Orwell Related to Ann B Davis???[edit]

Recent studies have shown that the British novelist Eric Blair, or George Orwell's only living direct blood line relative is Ann B. Davis, more widely known as "Alice" in The Brady Bunch. One only needs to compare two pictures of Ann and George to see the uncanny resemblance. After an attempted interview with Alice, which ended in her stabbing the interviewer and shooting herself in the temple with a 9mm handgun she pulled out of her pants, we uncovered some disturbing truths about their relation. It seems that George Orwell held down and raped his twin sister, and the end result was pregnancy and the birth of Ann B. Davis.

I just noticed; George Orwell looks like Lyle Lovett with a pencil-thin mustache[edit]

No, really!